day. He has the kids, he’s with Monica, he’s busy with everything. But I’m getting used to it. My therapist calls it grieving the first call.”
“What does that mean?”
“She says when something happens, good or bad, you can only call one person first. And if you’ve been somebody’s first call, it’s hard not to be their first call anymore. She says it’s one of the reasons why parents sometimes feel sad when their kids are getting married. It’s not just the empty nest. They’re not the first call anymore. I’m not Andy’s first call anymore. It doesn’t mean I want to be his girlfriend, and it doesn’t mean I don’t like her. But it was sad. It’s different. The doctor says it’s important to be sad.”
He reached over to kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry.”
Under the covers, she shrugged. “It’s okay.”
“So you’re good. And I’m good. And I feel like I could stay in New York and you could stay up here, and we’d be okay.” He pushed a bit of her hair behind her ear. “But I don’t think that’s what we should do.”
Evvie couldn’t keep from smiling. “No?”
“I don’t know a lot about…a lot. Where to live, what kind of job I want, what kind of family situation. But I am really in love with you. And, you know, unless I’m still throwing into the stands, I think that’s how you feel, too. So I think we should be in the same place and then work on all the other stuff. Because when we’re in the same place, I’m happier, and I think you’re happier, too.”
In the dark, Evvie closed her eyes and smiled.
“You should say something,” Dean prodded, nudging at her with his knee. “I’m kind of flapping in the wind here.”
“Sorry. It just…kind of freaks me out,” she whispered.
He frowned. “Why?”
“The last time I tried to go off and be happy, somebody died. I feel like if it’s too good, something terrible will happen.”
There was a pause. “That’s what you meant, that night when you were stinking drunk. I should never have tried to be happy.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He grabbed her hand under the covers and pulled it up so their clasped hands were under their chins. “I mean, Ev, if you wait long enough, something terrible is always going to happen. But I don’t think that’s because you try to be happy, you know? I think it just is. You…you wake up one day and you need a whole new plan. Not to brag, but that’s my area of expertise.” He squeezed her hand tighter.
“There are just a lot of things that get taken away,” she said.
“I know. I know. But that happens even if you try to throw everything back first. You just have to hope in the end you’ll have enough left.”
She smiled. “I love you,” she said.
He seemed to stop breathing for a second. And then he let go of her hand and rested his palm on her jaw. “Good.”
She wriggled closer to him. “You want to live here for a while?”
He wasn’t even surprised. “Yeah.”
“I mean, you’d have to move all over again. What about your apartment?”
“Well,” he said, adjusting his head on the pillow, “I would keep it. We could have both for now. You never know what you’re going to want to do. You like history, New York has a lot of great museums. We can be down there part of the time if you want. It’s not terrible having a place to go in New York.”
“So you want to stay flexible.”
“I know I’m making it sound half-assed. I don’t mean to. Don’t get me wrong, Ev. I want to marry you, probably.”
She laughed. “Oh, probably.”
“But right now, I want to live with you, in your house, with your dog, and listen to boats and walk in the woods and maybe get my job back at school. And when something terrible happens, we’ll just figure it out.” He draped his arm around her waist. “I guess that’s my offer.”
“Yes.” She scooted over and kissed him. “I accept.”
ANDY’S WEDDING WAS IN THE middle of October, when the leaves had started to turn. They were having the ceremony at First Presbyterian and the reception at Kettle Bay Hall, a converted fire station that was used for the Lobster Festival in the summer. Evvie came with Kell the day before to put up the tables and cover them with silver linens that Kell had ironed herself. The girls ran around between the