his absence. Longing sinks its roots deep, and when I think about my last encounter with him, the way he stomped off without a word, my heart inexplicably aches.
On the fourth day since the incident at the hospital, things get a little easier. Axe permits me to go back to work in Casper’s, and I welcome the distraction. I lose myself in helping the ladies out with the cleaning, with serving drinks and keeping the men supplied with a steady stream of food and booze that never ends. When I’m not working, I spend time with some of the women, talking with Dee or Monica, getting to know some of the others.
It seems that Dee and Monica’s having forgiven me has changed things with the other women as well. It makes it easier dealing with everything that’s happened when there are always other women to talk to.
The camaraderie between the women in the club is amazing. It’s just as strong as the bond between the men, to the point where they seem to have formed their own little club within the MC. They back each other up, some of them seeming more like sisters than friends. They provide me with a constant source of comfort, never allowing me to delve too deep into the depressive sadness that seeps in whenever I’m alone.
Among the women, it’s almost as if I never stole those tips, and once again, Mort’s words about the club never forgetting the good have proven true. What I’ve done for the club is paying itself forward many times over. I see it every time I laugh with the women while we watch movies or cook up a storm in the back kitchen with Dee, and every time Monica and I share a joke. But there is a downside to what I have with them.
Every smile, every shared laugh, every hug, reminds me that while risking my life to save Ben and Penny and standing up to Gary has wiped the slate clean with the ladies, that forgiveness does not extend to Spider. His absence and his silence speak volumes. It makes no sense, but it seems that somehow, the very thing that has made things right within the women’s circle has only driven Spider deeper into the darkness in which he lives. And it will likely not bode well for me when he returns.
Sometimes I feel as if I’ll never understand him, and the thought makes my heart hurt.
“So, I don’t understand something, Emma,” Sassy says to me as I finish marinating ribs the way Dee showed me and put them into the oven to cook.
“Huh?” I straighten, looking over at her as she tears up lettuce for a huge Cesar salad.
“Women in this Colony of yours are supposed to spend their days cooking and cleaning, right?”
There’s none of the force or malice in her voice I’d grown so used to hearing from the women when they ask about my life with His Holy Peace.
“Mmm.” I nod, shutting the oven door.
“So, how is it that you have no idea how to cook then? I mean, you never flipped a burger before last night. How does that work?”
Monica pauses in the middle of washing potatoes at the sink, listening with a curious look. Dee stands at the counter beside her, arms crossed loosely, the mother hen presiding over all.
Feeling painfully awkward, I shrug. “We don’t eat in the Colony the way you guys do here.”
“Oh, I’ve been wanting to hear this,” Monica says, wrinkling her nose. “What did they make you guys eat?”
“Gruel, mostly. Fruits, veggies, but always plain. Stew, sometimes, but they don’t use the seasoning you do here.”
“In other words, everything tastes like shit,” Dee says.
“Yes.”
Sassy screws up her face. “Sounds like Monica’s cooking,” she says with a smirk at her.
Monica turns and flicks water at her with a grin. “Kiss my sweet little ass, Sassy.”
“Snake would probably leave me if I tried to make him eat like that,” Dee says, starting to cut up the potatoes Monica’s washed. “It might do him good, though. His cholesterol is high, and Axe keeps lecturing him about it.”
We talk over dinner, and after we eat, I head to Spider’s room to read one of the books Monica’s lent me. The ladies want to watch a movie that doesn’t look like my kind of thing, so I let myself into the room, kicking off my shoes.
It’s late evening, already getting dark, so I turn on the overhead light. Lying on