With Every Breath (Slow Burn #4) - Maya Banks Page 0,103

A defense mechanism she was only all too well acquainted with.

She’d spent her young life wanting what so many others took for granted. And she’d thought that her ultimate dream had come true, only to realize how hopelessly naïve and desperate not to mention weak, brainless and foolish she’d been. Then she’d veered to the opposite extreme, never allowing anyone close, never allowing herself to become emotionally involved or attached to anyone and never trusting anyone with her most shameful secrets.

Not until she’d met Dane and gone to work for DSS had she finally begun to open up to others, but it hadn’t been overnight or even soon. It had been a gradual process and it had taken time for Eliza not only to want or demand trust from the people she worked with but for her to have faith enough in her judgment to finally place her trust in even those closest to her.

The people she worked with taught her about love. What love really was and what it wasn’t, but Eliza had always been an observer. On the outside looking in. Wade hadn’t just taught her how to let herself love and be loved. He’d shown her with his actions far more than with his words.

For the first time in her life, Eliza loved. Deeply. Passionately. Unconditionally. Limitless. With a fierceness she hadn’t known existed when loving someone.

She knew Wade was watching her, waiting, observing the parade of mixed emotions and thoughts that had to be obvious due to her ever-changing expressions and the sheer awe and wonder that coursed through her blood like the most potent drug. She owed him the same honesty and commitment he’d given her but she was terrified to make herself so vulnerable when she’d sworn that she would never let herself be as exposed and fragile as she’d been when Melissa Caldwell still existed.

At the thought of that name, a person who no longer existed, Eliza stopped cold in her tracks, going utterly still as her face and eyes filled with wonder and revelation. Dear God, how could she have been so blind? So deeply rooted in the past of a person who didn’t even exist that she’d never allowed herself to live. And be free.

Wade’s brow furrowed and where before he’d seemed content to regard her with tender amusement, watching the myriad of emotions during Eliza’s self-demanded come-to-Jesus meeting, now he looked worried and uncertain.

Then Eliza smiled. Really smiled. So wide and big that the corners of her mouth stretched to the point of discomfort. She could feel herself glowing. Radiating joy like she’d never experienced or felt in her life. She reached out to palm Wade’s face, cupping it between her hands as she stared lovingly into his eyes, for once unafraid to be vulnerable, to open herself up and allow someone into places in her heart and soul that no one had ever had access to. She was safe. And she was loved.

“I’m not her,” she whispered in awe.

And then she promptly burst into tears, sending Wade into complete panic, his eyes wild and frantic. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding on to him for dear life. She clung to him like a burr and wept noisily into his neck, huge gulping sobs welling from the deepest recesses of her soul. A soul she thought she’d lost a lifetime ago, but Wade had restored it, healed it and her. With his love.

She cried, not because she was unhappy but because she was finally releasing pent-up emotions she’d suppressed for a decade. She was letting go of all the grief, the guilt and so much pain that she no longer felt.

She was free. Finally free of the bonds she’d placed on herself after being freed of the bonds Thomas had imprisoned her with.

You don’t have to carry your burden alone, Eliza.

Let it go, baby.

I’m right here.

I’m not going anywhere.

Give yourself—and your burden—to me.

Wade’s words drifted to her on the most beautiful wave, rolling over her and washing her clean. How could she have ever doubted he loved her? How could she have even questioned it? He may not have given her the words until just now, but he’d shown her in every possible way how much she mattered to him. The evidence, the proof, had been staring her right in the face almost from the very start, but she’d been too bent on protecting herself from the pain of briefly touching the sun only to have a storm