With Every Breath (Slow Burn #4) - Maya Banks Page 0,101

I knew that when he saw me, he would attempt to manipulate me. He would want to reestablish my love and adoration for him and the desire to go anywhere with him. And I had to know, before this mission went any further, if I was strong enough to block him. I was so afraid, Wade,” she admitted painfully. “I was terrified that I have been fooling myself so I didn’t have to admit how weak and powerless I was.”

The ache in her head, the residual effects of Thomas’s forceful attack, intensified just remembering it. She went silent and leaned in to Wade, resting her forehead against his lips, needing that contact, needing the soothing comfort and unconditional support he gave so readily.

His hand went to the back of her head and gently massaged, nearly making her moan at the brief respite from the pain the simple stroke of his hand gave her.

He gave her another few moments, as if realizing how much she needed them. Just a few to collect herself before she continued. Finally, she lifted her head and met his gaze, suddenly bereft and hollow at the loss of that contact.

“So he tried,” Wade said grimly.

“He didn’t see me right away. He’d begun his ridiculous spiel, but I knew the instant he noticed me. I felt his eyes on me.”

She shuddered, chill bumps appearing on her arms. Wade slid his hands over her arms, chasing the chill away as he rubbed up and down.

“And then I felt an odd flutter in my head. A probing sensation. It was painful, like an actual physical attack, but nothing like the second time.”

Wade’s expression darkened, his eyes glittering fiercely.

“I watched him the entire time and kept my thoughts and emotions in check. And then I saw his shock when he wasn’t able to get in, wasn’t able to read me. He even frowned and paused in his speech but then looked away and continued on. I knew he’d try again and I was going to give him that one last chance and then I was getting out of there.”

Wade frowned as he watched her closely.

“The second time he came at me hard and fast, striking without warning. I was stunned by how painful it was. My head felt like it was going to explode. Like something was going to pop or burst. But again, I warded him off and he couldn’t get in. And then I realized my mistake or rather the mistake I nearly made.”

Wade’s eyebrow went up in question.

“Yes, I wanted him to see me and, yes, I wanted him to know that he could no longer control me, that he no longer had any power over me, but I needed him to think that even though he was no longer manipulating my actions and emotions that I still loved him and chose to be with him. I wanted him to think that I was there because of him, so that we could be together and live happily ever after and all that other bullshit I thought I wanted when I was sixteen,” she said with an edge of bitterness she couldn’t suppress.

“So I looked directly into his eyes, and I smiled at him. I put on the act of my life by faking joy, desire, love and need and pouring all of that into my eyes and my smile. And then, so he couldn’t possibly misunderstand, I made a gesture that he used for me when we were together.”

She balled her fist and demonstrated the gesture for Wade so he would see instead of relying on her description.

“I swear I saw delight flash in his eyes and then he sent me this smoldering look that was a mixture of desire and need and oh God, Wade. It made me sick to my soul. Even though I already knew that I’d beat him, that he could no longer control me psychically, it was then that it really sank in, because if he had been able to exert his will then I would not have reacted to him looking at me the way I did. If he had been controlling me, I would have been delirious with joy for him to have looked at me that way. My feelings, my reactions to him were mine. Not his.”

Wade leaned forward and kissed her long and so very sweet, his tongue brushing over the seam of her lips as he lightly tasted her. When he leaned back again, pride and fierce