Evers & Afters (Dare With Me #2) - J.H. Croix Page 0,61

sip.

His lips kicked up at one corner, sending butterflies wild in my belly. “Delicious. As always.”

I could hear the tick of the clock mounted above the door as his eyes searched my face before he continued, “Sandra and I haven’t been together since before I came to Alaska. That was five years ago, in case you were counting. I found out she was seeing one of my closest friends behind my back. The whole thing was a mess because I didn’t find out until after that same friend died in an accident. I’m pretty sure we’d have broken up sooner, but I was on duty and we weren’t even in the same location.”

My hand flew to my chest. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

He dipped his chin in acknowledgment and took another swallow of coffee. “It sucked and was kind of a mindfuck for me. Obviously, it was bad for my girlfriend to screw around on me, but what he did felt worse. He was as tight with me as any of my other friends. Or, I thought he was. You know Flynn, Diego, Tucker, and Gabriel, we all were together in the Air Force. Greg was one of us.”

“I’m really sorry,” I offered again. It made me want to wind back time and tell Sandra how foolish she’d been to hurt a man like Elias.

He held my eyes for a moment before continuing, “Things were hard for me after Greg died. I wasn’t in the accident with him, but I was one of the responders and got injured.” He paused, taking a gulp of his coffee and closing his eyes. When they opened again, the look there was weary. “It didn’t last long, but I got hooked on painkillers in the aftermath.” His gaze searched mine, and I sensed he was trying to assess my reaction.

My heart squeezed, and I wanted to cry. My emotions were on edge as it was, and I was tired. I managed to keep it together. “That’s awful. If you’re worried I might think something about that, don’t. The problems with painkillers are all over the news. Is it difficult for you now?”

He shook his head swiftly. “No, it’s not. I mean, I’m ashamed, but lucky for me, it was short-lived. My doctor then told me the longer it lasts, the more your body adjusts, which makes it harder to kick.”

I managed a breath, thinking that I couldn’t even imagine how hard it had been for him to learn his friend had betrayed him, and be dealing with injuries and pain. “I’m glad you’re okay,” I whispered.

“I am. I really am. If you ever need to ask more about it, you can.”

My heart was kicking in my chest. He was talking as if there was a future for us, like I might want to ask him about this. My emotions felt all jumbled, so I just nodded.

“So back to the other night. Obviously, I didn’t expect to see my ex. She’s here because she got pregnant before my friend died. I know it’s not my son because the math doesn’t add up. She was pretty direct about that. Anyway, Greg knew about it, and their son’s entitled to his survivor’s benefits. Apparently, his family is disputing it. They’re claiming I’m the father, so I agreed to do a paternity test to show that’s not the case.”

I really, really wanted to believe Elias. It wasn’t that I thought he was lying. I didn’t. I was just tired of myself and my stupid issues with trust. I didn’t want to be caught up in this tangled mess that wasn’t even mine.

“Okay,” I said slowly before reaching for my coffee and taking a big gulp. “You really didn’t have to tell me all this.”

Elias searched my eyes, and I wanted to look away. I didn’t.

“Cammi, I get after what happened to you and your last relationship it could’ve looked like I was hiding something. That’s why I’m telling you this. I wasn’t. I didn’t even know Sandra was pregnant when Greg died.”

I cleared my throat, wishing it didn’t feel so tight with emotion. “I appreciate that, but it’s not like you’ve made any promises. I don’t even know if we’re in a relationship. And, I’m not holding you responsible for that not being clear,” I added hurriedly.

“Are we okay?” he pressed.

“Sure. Sorry about what you went through.”

I knew my responses were curt and not really helpful, but I didn’t know how to handle this, much less what to