I was nervous that he would want custody. After the way things ended, I didn’t feel like I knew him anymore and I couldn’t even guess what his reaction would be. What would I do if he wanted to get even with me by fighting for custody? I didn’t know what to expect, and this frightened me.
Harper and I were sitting at the dining room table eating spaghetti, when she brought up Finn. I’d thought about him quite a bit since I’d left West. He’d been calling me sporadically and we’d texted a few times. The other day he really pushed talking to me on the phone but I just couldn’t. I didn’t trust myself not to fall apart on the phone and blurt everything out. It wasn’t his problem to fix. Finn had his own life, and I saw no need to drag him into my drama.
“So, Kyler emailed me at work today. I guess he’s coming back to town in two months and wants to take me out to dinner to talk.”
She had my full attention. “What did you tell him?”
“I said sure. I don’t see any reason why we can’t go eat. But I swear if he mentions the night we had sex, I’m going to rack him in the nuts.” She said too casually twirling her noodles onto her fork.
“Does he know I’m living here?”
“No. I assumed you wanted to keep that on the down-low but it’s possible someone else in town could give him a heads up. But Emilyn you can’t keep all of this a secret forever.” Something didn’t seem quite right when she’d denied that Kyler knew about my breakup with Weston, but I couldn’t pinpoint it and so I decided to let it go.
I set my fork down and leaned back in my chair. “I know… I just don’t want everybody to know.”
“You don’t want everybody to know, or you don’t want Finn to know?” She cocked her eyebrow.
She had me and she knew it. There was no point wasting breath denying it. “Fine, I don’t want Finn to know. After the way I left things, I just think it’s best that everything that has happened stays in the past. I need to move on. Raising this baby and getting my life back on track are my main priorities. I just think it’s time I really let Finn go.”
Harper grabbed her wine glass and chugged what was left. She set it down and pointed her finger at me. “You are absolutely right! And if you don’t want me to tell Kyler, then I won’t.”
I smiled and thanked her, but felt a twinge of pain. Even when I thought I’d given up Finn, I realized that I actually hadn’t. Was I capable of letting him go? Maybe, maybe not, but I knew I needed to try.
“No I don’t want you to tell him. Kyler can come into town, you two can have dinner, and he doesn’t even need to see me. Do you know how long he’s planning on staying?”
“He said he was thinking about buying a house here so he can be closer to his parents. I suppose he’s planning on talking to about me being his realtor, but I have no idea how long that’s going to take.” She shrugged her shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal but it was a very big deal. If Kyler came back—even if it was only on a part time basis—Finn was sure to follow. Great! Just another stressor I didn’t need.
We sat in silence as we finished our dinner. While we did the dishes together we made some small talk, before Harper brought up another subject that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. “After your appointment tomorrow, have you considered contacting West to let him know what’s going on?”
My head was down while I scrubbed sauce off a plate. “I have, I just don’t know what I plan on saying to him. Do I talk about the court proceedings first, or do I just say it? Make it quick like ripping off a band aid? It’s been playing over and over in my head and I don’t see which way is best.”
Harper nodded her head in understanding while she pondered what I said. “I wish I had the answers hon. I guess we’ll cross that bridge tomorrow.”
The next morning I couldn’t help but feel nervous. I had a feeling that actually ‘seeing’ the baby would make everything real and I didn’t know how