they are tied to.” I sat there taking this all in, and now understanding the deadly seriousness of William’s revelation. The details to changing were many and now I understood why he was reluctant to reveal them to me.
Vincent was a dark one, meaning William had traits from him, possibly many possibly few. I now had to think of how many and how strong they might be. Could William possibly turn on me, triggered by his inner make-up from Vincent? I tried to hide my uneasiness as I held William’s hand. I tried hard to block all the thoughts flying around in my head as William went on.
“It’s why I left Vincent’s coven. I was desperate to be better than him, to not…” He paused taking a ragged breath, nearly in tears. “Not to be a murderer, a killer. I could not do it. I couldn’t allow myself to be like that. I am not as good as you think me to be. I have done things I can’t ever seem to forget, no matter how hard I try.” He looked down at my hand in his, shaking his head. “I have battled the part of Vincent instilled in me for decades…” He took another deep breath. “I haven’t always succeeded either,” he said in a whisper, not looking at me. I had to hold my breath. I knew exactly what he meant by that. He had killed. I tried not to panic. I guess I tried to block that part out. I mean I figured in his early days he had, but I guess I just blocked it out.
“I never want to be him Corrine. I will never succumb to the dark ways. The dark covens enjoy inflicting pain and hurt on humans. I had to witness Vincent’s murderous ways. He seemed to reap extreme pleasure from making his victims suffer painful deaths; it was all too much for me.” I looked into his eyes so tormented, my beautiful William. He walked the line between an angel and a killer and I loved him either way.
I hated to see him in so much pain. I could see him telling me all this was very hard. He may possibly have a tendency to be a killer. I knew he feared that I would become scared of him and turn away, leaving him alone. I could understand his fear; I too feared he would leave me someday when he could no longer justify his youthful appearance. I was aging and he was not, at least not very fast. I did recall him telling me he aged slightly, not like a typical vampire that never aged at all. I held onto his hand as he watched me with wary eyes, as if he were waiting for me to run away, much like the afternoon in the park.
“Your past doesn’t matter to me Will; it’s who you are now that does. I know you can’t help what’s inside you from Vincent. I know you are a good person. You don’t like hurting others, and you’ve overcome the evil from him.”
“That’s kind of you to say Corrine, but even now I still sometimes feel a pull toward the darker side of me. I hate myself when the thoughts even briefly cross my mind. I cannot control it when they do. I have to fight my mind to think of other things, to stop the insanity of it all.”
“That day by the river…” I took a deep breath. I needed to know if he had thought of killing me then. I didn’t know why but I just had to ask him. “I was bleeding badly, did you… I mean…” I searched for words trying not to hurt him. He put his finger to my lips, his eyes filled with pain and regret.
“Yes… Corrine. I thought of it then, more so than I had in a very long time. I had this voice in my head telling me over and over, just this once, nobody would ever know. I had to fight it so hard, you were unconscious, helpless lying there. It would have been so easy.” He didn’t look at me; he was ashamed of something he really had very little control over. I patted his hand reassuring him.
“You didn’t William; you were able to control it. Don’t hide your face from me. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He looked over to me, his eyes damp. He took a deep breath.