“You really think that’s going to make a difference?” I ask, staring off into the ceiling as if the answers were scrawled out up there, and all I had to do was connect the dots.
Laken slips her hand into the lip of my jeans, her fingers graze me in places I’ve dreamed of, wished for.
“I’m positive, Wes. It’s like there’s this secret between us, and it’s creating a hurdle for me to feel as close to you as I’d like. It must be that—the two of us finally being together. What else could it possibly be? I mean you don’t have any secrets from me, do you?” She twirls the hairs just below my belly in a dizzying circle, and I close my eyes a moment.
“Laken, you’re going to start something I know we’re not ready to finish.”
Secrets. A dry laugh pulses through me. Only a sweet girl like Laken would think of sex as a secret.
On some level she’s sensing that something’s wrong. She’s a Count, and according to her genetics, a damn strong one. She’s picking up on the fact I’ve got all this Celestra juice flooding my veins, and she doesn’t know what to classify it as. God, what if she senses Skyla on me and thinks I’ve been cheating?
“You know I would never cheat on you.” It pops from my lips out of the blue.
Shit—exactly what every guilty boyfriend says.
“What I mean is,” I pause in the event I feel the need to bury myself further, “I would never even think of another girl or want one. You’re it for me, Laken. Hand to God, you’re all I’ll ever need. I was serious as death when I took that oath the other night, and I’m equally as serious about getting your name indelibly marked over my skin. I want to have a piece of you near me at all times. You’re all I ever think about from eyelids open until I fall asleep, and then I’m lucky enough to have you greet me in my dreams.”
Her smile expands, and she warms the room with it.
“You dream of me?” There’s a twinkle in her eyes as if she’s picking up on the unchaste nature.
“Damn straight,” I say, lowering my lips to hers. “And someday, each one of those deranged fantasies is going to come to life.”
She tips her head back and belts out a laugh.
“Then take me now, and make me yours.” Her eyes fills with sorrow again as if the very thought had the power to scrub the joy from her soul.
I dig my fingers into her hair and comb through it, soft as silk.
“You said you wanted our first time to be special, that you wanted to wake up next to me in the morning and do it all over again.” I’m starting to resent the fact I have a strong memory. A little forgetfulness would have had the power to cure this gnawing ache in my gut, not to mention give some much needed attention to the parts of my anatomy that crave it most.
“I was lying.” She flat lines.
“Very funny,” I say, pulling her in until our stomachs touch. “Besides, you’re right. I do have a secret.” An entire boulder feels as if it’s lifted from my chest. “I want to share it with you more than anything. It’s a big one, and I need to know that you won’t say anything.”
“I won’t.” She gets up on her elbow, eager to hear whatever I’m about to tell her.
“It’s not something I can tell you. I’d rather show you. It’s something I do and I’m afraid if I try to explain it with words it’s going to sound a whole lot worse than it actually is.” I take a breath and hold it because I know damn well the odds of it looking as bad as it sounds are close to one hundred. But maybe if she comes to understand the need for it—if she understands why we have to oust Celestra, deplete them of their physical strength, maybe then she’ll see it’s for the greater cause. In reality, all we’re doing is reducing them to human. Nothing wrong with that, since ninety percent of the population functions just fine that way.
“I’m going to love you no matter what it is you’re doing,” she whispers, her eyes still dewy from tears. “I’m sure it’s not bad because you’re not a bad person. And if it sounds bad, then I’d rather see it.