It seems like minutes before he explains, “I said to you last night about not seeing my brother much because he lives in America.” He pauses, running his hand across his forehead. “Well that’s not really the reason we don’t speak. It was a long time ago” he mentally counts the years, “seven years now.” He stops again as if weighing up if he actually wants to tell me.
Taking his hand in mine I squeeze it gently, “what happened?” I ask quietly.
“There was a girl, back then” he starts cautiously, his eyes searching my face for my reaction, “we were pretty serious, together for four years, I guess we were kind of childhood sweethearts” as he says it, the faintest wisp of a smile touches his lips, but then vanishes in the blink of an eye.
“She was my world, I was even planning on proposing, but then I spoke to Marcus; I needed my big brothers help, you know, with what to say and how to do it” he looks at me apologetically, like I should be the last person he should be telling this to. In a way I guess it’s true, but it was so long ago and with everything he has had to put up with, with Jake, I don’t think talking about his ex is really going to shake the foundations of our relationship.
“He knew how I felt about her, he knew what she meant to me” he runs his hands through his hair, it may have been seven years but it’s obvious that it still haunts him.
“Well the week after we spoke, I’ve bought the ring and I go to Marcus’s room to ask if I can hide it there and walk in on them together, in bed.” He looks as if someone has just crushed his soul, it’s as though he is re-living it just by speaking the words out loud.
“My God, your brother and your soon to be fiancée?”
He nods grimly, “Needless to say I never spoke to her again and as for Marcus, we just avoid each other.”
“But then how come your parents arranged for him to stay with you?” I question, confused by their actions.
“They don’t know what happened. They know we fell out and have never made up with each other, but they don’t know the whole story. I guess they figure it’s about time we sorted things out, but…” he trails off again, his expression tormented by the prospect.
“There’s still one thing I don’t get?”
“What?” he looks at me expectantly.
“Well, if all this has been about your brother, why have you been so angry with me?” I’m careful not to sound accusatory.
“I don’t know, I’m sorry” he looks down at his lap, too ashamed to meet my gaze. “I just can’t get the image of him being here, with you, out of my head and I guess the frustration has just been coming out in other ways”
I move in closer, cupping his chin with my hand and moving his head until he is facing me, “You know I would never do that to you, right?”
“I never thought that she would either” he replies solemnly.
He has a point there, I haven’t done anything to make him distrust me, but I haven’t done anything to prove he should trust me either; I need to keep reminding myself how short a time we’ve been together.
“Good point. Then how about I go and stay back in my old room, just while your brothers here?”
“No I don’t want that.” He states.
“It would only be for while he’s here and then as soon as he’s gone I can come back.”
“No, Kate, I …I….” for a fleeting moment I think he’s going to tell me that he loves me; my heart starts to flutter, I haven’t thought this far ahead. I mean sure, I’ve day dreamed about it, but I never for a second thought it would actually happen so soon.
“I miss you when you’re not here. I love waking up with you in the morning and coming home to you when I finish work. I don’t want to lose that, even for a few days, you’re not here for much longer now and I don’t want to miss a second of it if I don’t have to.”
I’m moved by his speech, it’s not quite ‘I love you’, but the word love was in it and that’s good enough for me.
I encircle my arms around him, “I feel the same way”