I kissed your forehead, you rolled over, smacked me in the face as you did and then mumbled something about leaving you alone” that’s not so bad at all, I don’t know why he didn’t want to say that, I wish I hadn’t walloped him, but in fairness you should always be cautious about disturbing a passed out drunk girl, “and you called me Jake” he finishes. Oh. I don’t know what to say to that, I didn’t think he had been on my mind, I mean I know the thought popped up when I first met Carlos, but after that I’ve been so swept up with him I’ve barely had time to think of anything else. Clearly though, my subconscious has had other ideas.
“Really?” I ask in a choked whisper.
“Yes, but like I said it’s no big deal, I mean if you had begged him to come to bed with you, then I would have been offended, but like I say you batted me away and told me to leave you alone, for that sentiment I can except a slap in the face on his behalf” he tries to make light of the situation.
“I’m sorry” is all I can think to say.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, really, it’s fine” his voice sounds genuine, “I would love to see you again, but I’m going away for a few days, my sister is getting married, but can I see you when I get back?” my stomach does a back flip, he wants to see me again; I know I planned on playing it cool, but in hindsight that was never going to happen.
“I didn’t know you had a sister, you’ve never mentioned her before?” I question, “We don’t always see eye to eye, but I figure I should make an effort for her wedding,” he explains, “you met her, she was the one with me when I saw you before our first date.” so that’s who the mystery woman was, now I can see the resemblance, they are both dark featured beauties.
“Oh yeah,” I try and sound flippant, not letting on the raging jealousy I had felt when I saw her, “so when will you be back?” I ask changing the subject back to us.
“I should be back by Monday” he offers, my shoulders drop, Monday is five days away, what am I going to do with myself for five long Carlos free days?
“Monday, Ok” I try but fail to keep the disappointment from my voice.
“I feel the same way” he says in response to my tone, “if I didn’t have to go I wouldn’t, I’d much rather be spending the time with you, especially as I think you owe me something special after assaulting me last night!” he says giggling away. I can’t help but laugh, his giggle is contagious “Oh you do, do you? Well in that case I’m glad I have five days to come up with something good, I’ve got somebig shoes to fill following your act” I say, pun intended.
“Yeah you do” he avidly agrees, “I’m going to miss your delectable company Ms. Mavers” I want to say I will miss him, but I’m not sure if that’s too much? He only expressed a sadness for the loss of my company, not me specifically, I chicken out, “You can always call me while you’re away?” I offer as consolation instead.
“I will call you every day” he states without hesitation.
With that we say our goodbyes, him promising to call me later tonight. As I put the phone down my stomach ache is replaced by giddy excitement. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way about anyone; in a long term relationship you quickly loose the fire of those first few months, settling into a mundane routine all too soon and unless you really make the effort to keep that spark alive, it’s so easy to forget that original enthusiasm that first drew you both together.
My mind settles on an image of Jake, our own ‘honeymoon period’ is little more than a faded memory now, I assume we must have gone through it, the same as every new relationship, but it’s joy has long since been dampened by the sorrow that followed.
Carlos however is all too real, in the here and now, I long to see him again, to hear his voice, to touch him every second of the day, I know I’m in too deep with him already, but I don’t care, I’m addicted