I catch a glimpse of my tattoo, it's beginning to heal up now so I haven't had it covered today, but I'm still applying cream twice a day. It makes me smile, no matter what happens I have this, an eternal reminder of our love and a promise that we will, somewhere, somehow end up together.
“Right, come and get it” I call out once everything is plated up and I have composed myself.
“This looks great Kate, thank you” Blair says, taking the plate I pass to her and moving back to the sofa. Carlos does not own a dining room table as he always eats at the breakfast bar, but it's a little cramped for four people and as you all line up on one side of it, it makes it hard to chat, so we decide that sitting on the sofas with our plates on our laps is the better option.
We all sit around, taking it in turns to eat and talk, Carlos has on his entertaining face, but his smile never seems to reach his eyes. There's something I can't quite put my finger on, but I'm sensing a growing tension under the surface. It must just be time slipping by, it's had the same affect on me these last few days, once I become aware of the minutes passing by I can't help but loathe the fact that every one of them is bringing my departure that little bit closer.
I give his arm a little squeeze and when he turns to me I throw him a sympathetic, 'I know how you feel' look, he holds my gaze blankly for a second then turns back to our guests, dismissing me entirely. Not this again, I thought he had learned from the last time that taking it out on me when he's upset only makes the situation worse!
I don't know how to respond to this, should I take him into another room and have a stern word with him, I don't want my last night to be tainted with one of his foul moods after all. But who's to say that would even help? Last time I had to threaten to move out before I finally broke him, so talking about it is liable to just make it worse.
I think all I can do is ignore it and focus on Blair and John and keep my fingers crossed that he snaps out of it by the time I leave. I had imagined a tearful, heartbreaking goodbye, not an emotionless, see you later then. Mind you his mood swings are so sudden, that who knows, he may change again in the next five minutes. Yes, I will just leave it for now and deal with it later if I absolutely have to.
Blair and John are merrily chatting away and have already opened the second bottle of wine by the time we are half way through our dinner, I pull myself out of my own head and join back in as cheerily as I can manage. Carlos continues to smile and nod along, but offers nothing but silence to the conversation.
Mid sentence Blair shoots me a look, I've seen it before on Caz when she's been around Jake in one of his moods, so I know exactly what she's asking, but as usual I have no insight into what goes on in the minds of my men, so all I can do is give a tiny shrug; she accepts it with an understanding smile and seamlessly continues with her story.
When everyone's plates are clear I start collecting them, “Whats for afters?” Blair asks eagerly as she passes her empty plate to me.
“Afters?” I ask shocked, “Where do you put it all?” her slight frame gives no indication of the amount of food she can pack away, “I think there's some ice-cream in the freezer” I say bringing a smile to her face. I glance at Carlos, the suggestion of ice-cream immediately bought to mind, for me, the night we spent binging on mint-choc-chip and amaretto biscuits, but either he is still in no mood to reminisce, or he didn't even hear the conversation, because he looks completely oblivious to everything right now. Again I don't rise to it, instead choosing to dump the plates in the sink for him to deal with later and fish out the desert.
I'm just passing bowls around when someone knocks on the door, it can only be his family again, I hope to God it's his