splotchy red. She didn’t want another panic attack on her hands.‡ She ripped a blank page out of her notebook, hoping to catch Isla’s attention. It worked. Devon started folding the paper into halves. Isla watched, curious.
“You know, Isla, in normal counseling we could keep talking about this, your feelings, blah, blah, blah. But normal is boring, and that’s not you. You think outside the box. Want to try something a little different?” Devon had no idea where she was going with this, but at least Isla was breathing evenly again, and her cheeks were no longer flushed.
“Yeah. Sure. Different is good, I guess,” Isla conceded.
“Okay, close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.” What to do with the folded piece of paper? She wasn’t sure. She tucked it under her thigh.
“You feel calm throughout your body. It moves from your toes, up your legs, up the back of your spine, behind your eyes.”
Isla leaned back in her chair, eyes closed.
“Now imagine you’re a girl who’s scared, alone, not sure who you can turn to,” Devon continued. “Now imagine you’re pregnant and alone.”
Isla’s eyes popped open. “I’m not stupid, you know.”
So much for subtle manipulation or phony meditation. “No, you’re not stupid.”
“You’re just trying to throw me off the scent.”
“Isla, there’s a girl who’s probably going through a rough enough time right now. How about if we just focus on you and how you might be feeling?”
“You seem pretty focused on protecting this girl,” Isla spat. “How do I know it’s not you?”
Devon laughed. “Are you serious?”
Isla didn’t respond. Her eyes turned to slits.
“It’s not me. Seriously, it’s not.”
“Then why do you care so much?” Isla demanded.
“It’s my job to care. No one deserves to be going through what this girl is probably going through. And we don’t know what this had to do with Hutch.”
“It’s got everything to do with him! It’s his fault. Why is everyone so busy making him out to be the perfect guy that could do no wrong? I’m so sick of it. Hutch acted like the world revolved around him, and now he’s dead, and it still revolves around him! It’s disgusting.”
“Isla, death, especially a sudden death like this, can bring up all kinds of emotions. Denial, anger, depression … let’s talk through it.”
“No, I’m not going to talk through it with you. You’re just as bad as the rest of them. You think I don’t hear you defending him every chance you get. Let me tell you, Hutch was not the angel everyone makes him out to be, okay?”
“Isla—”
“No, you know what? I’m not going to sit here and listen to you defend him. You really want to know how I feel? I’m glad he’s gone.” Isla stood and turned to go.
“No, you’re not.”
“Stop thinking you know me. You don’t.”
“You loved him, Isla. That doesn’t go away. I saw you with him last year. He loved you and you loved him.”
“Oh yeah? It’s your turn, prove it.” Isla leaned against the door, her arms folded across her chest.
Devon hesitated. She was probably crossing all sorts of counseling lines. But Isla had to see the truth. “Last year. Spring. I was in Bio and you two had a free period. I remember looking out the window and seeing you two walk across Raiter holding hands. Hutch kissed your hand on the inside of your palm and held it there against his cheek. I saw that look in his eyes. He loved you, Isla. No one else mattered to him.”
Isla was crying again, her mouth curled into a frown, pooling the tears around her chin. “You’re sick,” she whispered, then pushed the door open and let it slam shut behind her.
DEVON WANTED TO FINISH up her session notes before vacating her cramped office. At least in here she could count on a little silence. She debated whether or not to include Isla slipping Ambien into Cleo’s bedside water in her notes. What was the worst case scenario? Isla drugs and possibly injures or even kills someone, and if Devon’s notes were used to prove that the school was counseling Isla and knew of this dangerous activity, the school would be sued until the end of days for knowing about Isla’s behavior, and not reporting it. Or, was it that Devon could be sued for not reporting it? Or could Mr. Robins be sued for overseeing Devon and not knowing about Isla’s dangerous tendencies? If Isla drugged someone to the point of harming them, someone