big toe. Devon blinked. He wasn’t wearing shoes. She hadn’t noticed that, either. The bottom of his foot was calloused and embedded with dirt. But as Devon stared at his foot she realized she hadn’t seen Matt wear normal shoes since he’d started at Keaton freshman year. He went barefoot everywhere—except when he had to wear cleats for soccer or lacrosse, and dress shoes for formal assemblies. His calluses were so thick they were shoes at this point.
“I mean, maybe he was out there drinking a bit and he fell asleep and the cold got him. I checked the temperatures. It dropped to freezing that night. They rushed this whole suicide decision if you ask me. It just wasn’t him. I would know if he was thinking about something like that. He would have told me. I know he would have.”
Of course he would have, you two were like brothers, is what Devon wanted to say. But instead she said: “It’s a shock to lose someone close.” More than that, she knew it was a shock to Keaton. Even students who’d never exchanged a word to Hutch burst into tears when Headmaster Wyler made the announcement in a special all-school assembly. Rumors had already been flying. Why not? There’d been an ambulance and police cars on campus. Even teachers were crying. Hutch was one of those guys everyone knew and everyone couldn’t help but like.
His girlfriend last year, Isla, had been at the epicenter of the largest cluster. Others had sobbed together in stairwells or hugged each other in the aisles. Devon hadn’t cried then. She hadn’t cried for the same reason Matt was so pissed off right now. Hutch and suicide were just two things that you would never put together.
“I know it’s a hard thing to accept,” she heard herself go on. Mr. Robins had told her that getting the subject to accept a situation was the key to successful therapy.†
Matt tilted his head at her. “Really? That’s what you’re supposed to say to me right now? ‘Acceptance’ crap? It’s not like my dog died, Devon. This is Hutch we’re talking about. I mean, no offense, but why am I talking to you? Big Brother trying to keep tabs on us so the suicide doesn’t spread? Before it becomes the cool thing to do?”
Devon brushed her bangs away from her eyes. He kind of had a point. Would I want to talk to me? She tried to gather her thoughts, remember her training from the summer. It was much harder to do this with people you actually knew. This was not one of Mr. Robins’s practice tests. When in doubt say someone’s name. It creates a sense of familiarity. He has to see you as someone he can confide in. Right. So even though in the outside world Matt Dolgens would NEVER confide in me, let him know he can trust you in here.
“Matt,” Devon began, “you are—”
“Required to be here,” Matt finished.
Devon hesitated. “I think of it as more of an opportunity than a requirement.” She cringed as the textbook answer flew from her mouth.
He sneered. “Ha! More BS.”
“I know it sounds lame, but it’s true. This program really is here, I’m here, to help you.” Devon kept her smile even and reminded herself not to get defensive. Matt’s reaction was normal. It was part of the process. It was part of what separated and distinguished Devon from Matt and Isla and everyone else at Keaton—Hutch, too, maybe. This was Devon’s purpose. She was a neutral observer from the get-go. She’d made that decision when she’d met Hutch, hadn’t she? Back in the days of June, the month; back when she still clung to the idea that Ariel was her true best friend (as opposed to the sporadic cheery-but-incomprehensible Facebook friend Ariel had morphed into)…. Devon had known that she was never meant to be anything more than a fly on the wall of Keaton. “That’s the only goal I have.”
“Please,” Matt spat back. “The only goal you have is to be a Keaton bitch. Some kid overdoses on their property so they gotta cover their asses somehow. So you narc us all out, and you get a good college rec letter? It’s been done before. Must be nice to sell out like that.”
Devon stiffened. “Matt, come on.”
“Next question, Dev. Let’s get this over with.”
She was going to have to change tactics. Hutch. Bring it back to Hutch. She forced a gentle smile. “Remember when you and