“Paris just gave me a La Coq soda. Have you had one of these? Guys, they’re really tasty. I think mine is chicken liver-flavored.”
You like it rough there, baby?
You like my sweet, sweet lips?
Just call me moon-mad lady!
I’ll shake my tail and hips!
Judd: “How much longer do we have?”
Isaac: “Blubber bozos still dancing. At least you don’t have to see what I’m seeing.”
Kevin (singing): “Sea people got, no reason, to dance?”
Judd: “Well, you didn’t get your mother’s voice.”
Colin (small burp): “I take it back, this stuff is gross. Repeats on you.”
Judd: “So sexy, baby.”
Colin: “That’s chicken liver-flavored sexy baby, to you.”
Kevin: “What is happening right now? Are you two flirting via ear-bud? What alternate universe have I entered?”
Judd, Colin, and Isaac: “Shut up, Kevin.”
Ain’t no tail like a werewolf tail.
Ain’t no sound like a howl at the moon.
Bet you’re gonna feel my wail,
Bet you’ll pull my tail hard soon.
Judd: “Is it over yet?”
Isaac: “I think it’s just a costume change.”
Judd: “Fuck me.”
Colin: “Yes please.”
Kevin: “Make it stop. Isaac, make it stop.”
Isaac: “I have no control over the length of a country music concert, but I think it’s only an encore. Shouldn’t be too much longer.”
Kevin: “I meant Judd and Colin. Make them stop flirting. Though the concert would be nice stopped too.”
Colin: “Oh wait now… That is interesting. SBI is on the move. Approaching your position, Isaac.”
Isaac: “I see them. SBI engaging with blubber bozos. So far, seems polite. Blubber Prince is annoyed. He wants to enjoy the concert, doesn’t like the feds spoiling his fun.”
Kevin: “Nothing could possibly further spoil anything this bad.”
Judd: “Look sharp, boys, here she comes.”
Kevin: “Oh my god, what is she wearing now? Jesus Christ on a Cutlet, is that even clothing?”
The crowd roared so loudly they drowned out even the direct communiqué of ear-buds.
The opening chords struck.
Colin: “She’s doing Fangs, guys. Get ready. Isaac, you okay?”
Isaac: “Sure thing. SBI still engaged with the blubberers. Still playing nice.”
Judd: “Fangs? What is Fangs? Oh dear god…”
The crowed roared again.
They said it would never work,
When we walked paw in hand.
They said you just can’t play nice,
Humans are weak. Werewolves are bad.
But I have your fangs at heart,
I have your dreams in play,
I’ve got your paws to start,
I’ll wag my tail all day.
Fangs, fangs, fangs,
Fangs in the morning dew,
Fangs on a moonlit night,
Baby, I bleed for you.
Judd: “I. Am. Going. To. Stab. My. Own. Ears.”
Kevin: “Is she stripping? Dude. I’m seriously gonna be sick.”
Colin: “But this is mummy dearest’s biggest hit. You saying it’s not the living end?”
Kevin: “I hate you all right now. I hate my life.”
Judd: “Well, I hate country music.”
Isaac: “Man, if this work of genius doesn’t convert you, nothing will. Did you hear she rhymed hand with bad?”
Judd: “Just, stop.”
Colin: “Isaac, are you down a bozo?”
Isaac: “Nope, there he is. He was disposing of the shells. Had no idea one person could eat that many oysters.”
Kevin: “What’s she doing now?”
Judd: “It’s that thing singers do when they bend down and slap the hands of the people in the front row.”
Colin: “That can’t possibly be hygienic.”
Shifters don’t love your prey,
Humans should fear the dark,
Skin and fur just don’t mix,
Werewolves will break your heart.
Fangs, fangs, fangs,
Fangs in the morning dew,
Fangs on a moonlit night,
Baby, I bleed for you.
Isaac: “Prince of the Blubber Bozos is back up and dancing. Or at least jiggling a whole lot. Oh, he is into this!”
Kevin: “And she’s stripping more. My eyes. My eyes!”
Isaac: “Aw, look, she’s blowing him kisses.”
Kevin: “And taking off her jacket.”
Isaac: “And throwing it to our friend. Isn’t that sweet? Aw, he’s her number one fan. Look at his little mobster face. He’s so happy.”
Kevin: “Is he smelling it? I think he is. Gross.”
Judd: “Eyes on the client, please, Kevin.”
Isaac: “I didn’t think selkies had a sense of smell.”
Colin: “Why toss him her nice jacket? Will she expect it back or is it like a love token?”
Judd: “Well, if she’s giving away a jacket like that, maybe you can keep those stripper pants.”
Colin: “I’ll keep mine if you keep yours.”
Judd: “I’m sad I never got to rip them off you.”
Colin: “Sooner me stripping than my mother.”
Kevin: “Great, now I need to bleach my eyeballs and my ear holes later.”
Judd: “And once more with feeling…”
Fangs, fangs, fangs,
Fangs in the morning dew,
Fangs on a moonlit night,
Baby, I bleed for you.
Judd: “And we’re done. Thank good glory shitgibbon for that.”
The crowded hollered and shrieked, howled and roared, literally and figuratively.
Lexi Blanc took a long series of bows. She spun around so