Endure - Sara B. Larson Page 0,24

I was tempted to.

If Damian’s fears were correct, and I didn’t return, how long would it take before he began to look elsewhere for a queen? If he survived what lay ahead, he had to marry and ensure the continuation of the royal family. Would he look to her? With her smooth, dark complexion, her wide eyes and ebony hair, she was definitely beautiful.

I shook myself, refusing to let those thoughts take root. Eljin remained silent at my side, not commenting on the girl’s strange reaction to us, or the uncertainty that might have been plain on my face if he looked over at me.

When we got to the kitchen, there were already two packs of food waiting for us, and flagons of cool water. Something deep inside my chest constricted as I put the food into the bag strapped to my side, next to Damian’s note. I turned away from Eljin as I hooked the flagon onto my belt, hoping he wouldn’t notice the emotions I was trying to suppress. After two slow breaths, I was able to push them back down, deep inside where I could try to ignore them.

“Are you ready?” I asked, facing him once more.

Eljin didn’t say a word about the sheen in my eyes, but I noted the way his face softened when he nodded. “Let’s go.”

We took a servants’ door out of the palace, skirting the tent city of women and babies to reach the palace wall.

“Did you tell Tanoori you were leaving?” I asked quietly as the mewling cry of a baby broke the stillness of the morning.

Eljin wouldn’t meet my questioning gaze. “She was still asleep from the herbs my aunt gave her to help calm her down. I didn’t have the heart to wake her up.”

I saw the way a muscle among the scars on his jaw twitched as he told me this, and guilt burrowed through me. “I’m so sorry, Eljin. I’m sorry that you got dragged into this.”

He was silent for a moment as we neared the door that would let us out into the jungle. Just before we were within earshot of the perimeter guards who were watching our approach, he stopped and faced me. His dark eyes were lit with an unexpected fire. “I am deeply indebted to you after what happened with Vera. If helping you rescue Rylan and returning you to the king safely can in some way repay that debt, then I will accompany you and do what I can.”

“You aren’t indebted to me. I nearly killed —”

“No.” Eljin cut me off. “I would have killed you. You were only defending yourself, and you stopped me without killing me. It’s more than most would have done. And as I said, the true fight lies in Dansii. I was not coerced into accompanying you.”

Without another word, he turned and walked away.

I followed behind a bit more slowly, some sense of dread making my steps sluggish. Just before I reached the gate, I had the strongest urge to turn back. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed the curtains pulled open in one of the large windows on the main floor of the palace. A tall, dark shadow of a man stood silhouetted in the window. Something inside of me lurched when I realized it was the library that had once been the former queen’s — Damian’s mother. He stood there, watching me leave, as everyone he had ever loved had left him one by one. But none of them by choice — except for me.

I stopped and turned to fully face him. I saw him straighten, and though I couldn’t see the details of his face from this distance, I imagined the brightness of his eyes, the curve of his lips, and the light of the morning sun on his dark hair. Lifting my hand up to my mouth, I kissed my fingers and then pressed my hand to my chest, above my heart, hoping he’d understand my message.

I love you. I’ll come back to you.

My eyes burned when he lifted his hand to his own lips and then pressed it to his heart. I stood frozen for a moment, every instinct in me screaming to turn back, to run to him. But I couldn’t leave Rylan to die. I just couldn’t. Swiping at my cheek, I forced myself to turn away and rush after Eljin, through the gate and out into the sweltering heat of the jungle.

“They’re gone,” Eljin announced unnecessarily when we