The Endless Road to Sunshine - Nicky James Page 0,53

effort to pull myself together.

When I calmed, I crawled over to the building beside me and sat on the puddled pavement, leaning against the wall and scanning the night. I was in a residential area not too far from the university. All the businesses were closed, their windows dark, except for a McDonald’s half a block away on the opposite side of the street. The golden arches shone bright, and there was a car idling at the drive-through window.

I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 4:57. If I went back to my apartment too soon, I’d have to deal with Skylar, and I didn’t know what to say or do. Eventually, he’d have to get up and go to class. My first class wasn’t until later, so I was in no rush.

I knew it was early, but I tapped Levi’s number and listened to it ring. We hadn’t touched base since my nasty text Friday night after I’d kissed Skylar.

The wind picked up, battering rain against my face. I drew up the hood on my hoodie and tried to angle my head away from the assault.

After five rings, Levi’s voicemail kicked on. “It’s me. Call me.”

I hung up and leaned my head back, letting the rain fall against my face. Since I’d stopped running, my body temperature was dropping, and I shivered. In the far distance, a siren wailed, growing quieter as the emergency vehicle drove in the opposite direction. Another car pulled into the McDonald’s and headed to the drive-through. The taste of dirty rainwater coated my lips as it ran down my face and dripped off my chin.

My phone rang. I checked the screen.

Levi.

“Hey,” I said, bracing for Levi’s venom. I deserved nothing less.

“You know it’s five in the morning, right?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I was sleeping. You woke Autumn.”

“I’m sorry.” My voice warbled and caught. I held my jaw tight, determined to hide the thick emotions from my voice but failing.

“Jesus.” Levi sighed and groaned. There was shuffling. A tap ran. The familiar click of a gas stove lighting came through the phone. “I can hear it in your voice. You’re a fucking mess. I swear to god, if you don’t start taking those pills, I’m gonna drive my ass over there and shove them down your goddamn throat.”

My chest tightened, and I fought off another wave of crippling anguish.

“Jason. What’s going on?”

I blubbered it all out at once, unable to stop once I gained momentum. “I made a mistake. It was so stupid. What choice did I have? If I didn’t tell him, he’d have found out, right? Talking about it stirred everything up. I wanted a drink. Just to make it stop. Like this weekend. One drink you said. Ha!” The sound was more manic than anything. “But he… and then I crossed lines I shouldn’t have, and he’s in my bed, and I don’t know how to get him out and make him go home.” The final words came out on a sob. I growled, hating this weakness I couldn’t fight, punching the pavement under my ass over and over.

“Hey, hey. Jason. Breathe. Focus.”

Levi waited me out. In time, the storm passed, and I calmed. “I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. Now, start again but with more detail this time. I’m not sure I’m following.”

“I told Skylar who I am. He was going to figure it out anyhow. I thought… Oh god, what if I’m wrong?”

“You thought what?”

“I thought it would be better if he heard it from me. Then it wouldn’t come as a shock, and I thought I could convince him to keep it to himself, but…”

“But you don’t trust anybody.”

“No. I don’t. I can’t.”

“Is this the kid who has a crush on you?”

I groaned and buried my face in my drawn-up knees.

“I’ll take that as a yes. I’m also going to guess he’s the one in your bed right now that you want to get rid of?”

“I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. You’re hurting. You’re alone. And…” Levi paused, and I braced myself for something I didn’t want to hear. “It’s been a year and a half since you’ve had companionship in bed. Am I right?”

“Still shouldn’t have done it.”

“Why?”

I shivered and waited as a car drove down the street, splashing through puddles. When its taillights vanished in the distance, I spoke. “Several reasons. One, he’s twenty-five. He’s a kid, for fuck’s sake. Two, he’s my student. It’s against board policy, and I know better. Three.” A lump grew in my throat. I pushed