The End of Her - Shari Lapena Page 0,103

their job. Stephanie was relieved that she wasn’t expected to clean it up herself.

That night she was back, alone in the house with the twins. She forced herself to go into the kitchen and make herself some tea. Everyone had gone, leaving an unnerving silence behind them. She wandered around the house until the early morning hours like she had before, unable to sleep.

It was the same last night, too, but now she no longer tortures herself with doubts about Patrick’s guilt. She no longer thinks endlessly, obsessively, about what she should do. It’s done. But she keeps seeing it, over and over, the moment she pulled the trigger. The way she shoved the gun into his hair against his skull, and the rain of blood and gore that blew out the other side. She can’t believe she did that. It’s as if it were someone else.

Hanna comes over to check on her. No need to stay away now that Patrick’s gone. She has Teddy with her in the buggy, and lasagne she’s made herself. She stands on the doorstep with her offering, obviously concerned about Stephanie’s well-being. Stephanie hesitates, because she’s keenly aware of her kitchen right behind her. The professional clean-up team has scrubbed and scoured and it’s perfectly presentable. You can’t even tell something awful happened in there three days ago. But still, it’s going to be weird, having Hanna in the kitchen.

‘I can come back,’ Hanna says, ‘if this isn’t a good time.’

But Stephanie shakes her head and says, ‘No, come in. I’m glad to see you. Nobody else has come.’

Who was she expecting? Niall? His wife? They’ve stayed away. So have her friends from work, where she’d spent four years of her life before going on maternity leave. Really, there’s no one but Hanna, and right now she’s grateful for her.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Hanna says awkwardly, once she gets inside with Teddy. She stands there with her baby on her hip, as if uncertain what to do, what to say. Stephanie has the tray of food in her hands and turns and takes it into the kitchen. Hanna follows tentatively. She knows he did it in the kitchen; she was here, that awful night, sitting with Stephanie in the living room. Stephanie turns to find Hanna staring, uncertain where to sit.

‘You can put Teddy in the living room with the girls,’ she says. And Hanna pivots as if relieved and goes into the other room. Stephanie starts making coffee. She finds her hands trembling slightly as she measures out the coffee grounds. It’s important what Hanna thinks. She worries now: had she been too obvious when she told Hanna that she was worried about Patrick, that he might harm himself? Had she laid it on a little too thick? Should she have said nothing, allowed it to be more of a surprise? She’s glad, now, that she hadn’t mentioned Patrick’s gun.

She takes a deep breath and tells herself to relax. Hanna isn’t going to suspect the truth. She was here that night, saw how distressed she was. She’s not going to think Stephanie is capable of holding a gun to her husband’s head and blowing his brains out. Hanna is perceptive, and she might suspect that Stephanie is secretly relieved – even glad – that her husband has removed himself from her life this way, but she’s not going to think that Stephanie pulled the trigger herself.

She brings the coffee through to the living room. They sit in silence for a bit, neither one of them knowing how to begin. They talk about the babies to break the ice. Finally Hanna gets up the nerve to ask, ‘What happens now?’

Stephanie exhales. Puts her coffee down. ‘There’s the funeral, tomorrow morning. It’s going to be private. Please don’t feel you need to come.’ She’s going to have him cremated.

‘I’ll come if you want me to,’ Hanna offers.

‘I’d rather you didn’t,’ she says. ‘In fact, I was hoping you’d watch the twins for me.’

‘Sure.’ Hanna is obviously relieved not to have to go to the funeral, and eager to do something useful to help. ‘You know I’m here for you, right?’ she says, putting out a hand and laying it gently on Stephanie’s arm.

Stephanie nods gratefully. She doesn’t need to worry about Hanna. Even though they both know, now, that all of Stephanie’s problems are solved.

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

ERICA DID NOT attend Patrick’s funeral. But the following day she sits in her car outside of the house on Danbury