“I’m already there,” she said. “I shouldn’t deny that new baby or that little fatherless boy a daddy. My child is grown and has left home, and Eli would be miserable knowing he had a child that he couldn’t be with. It’s not the baby’s fault. He deserves a father. But why should he have a full-time dad when Natalie didn’t? Guilt is about to smother me.”
“Kill that pile of wood, and then walk away from it,” Luke said.
“Will that fix me?” She shook the ax.
“It will if you do the same with your feelings. Kill them and then walk away. As long as you’re in this state of mind, Eli still has power over you. Take it back and be your own person. If you want babies and can’t trust anyone, go to a sperm bank and have babies. If you want to finish your degree and teach little children to fill the void, do it, but shake this off and move on.” Luke went back to sit in the old rusty chair. He’d learned a long time ago to get past the hurdles life threw at him—looking back at those lean college years and those humiliating months after his botched proposal, sometimes he felt like he should be fifty years old.
Carmen dragged another chair over beside him and sat down. She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. “How do I do that? How do I shake it off when it’s all I can think about?”
“You need to get a notebook and write your goals in it, then set about making them happen instead of fretting.”
“How’d you get to be so smart?” she asked.
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. I had a T-shirt with that on the front a few years ago. If I’ve got any intelligence at all, it’s because I didn’t get what I wanted.” He thought again of how awkward he’d felt when he’d been kneeling in front of Amelia and she’d said what she did. He took a deep breath and told Carmen about the only woman he’d ever loved enough to want to give his heart to and share his life with.
“Good Lord! Does Diana know that?” Carmen gasped.
“No, and I’d rather she didn’t until the time is right. I don’t want her pity, Carmen. I want her to like me for myself, not how much money I have in the bank or any materialistic things I can provide—just for me. So can that be our secret?” Luke asked.
She stuck out her hand. “Yes, it can. Thanks for listening to me rant.”
He shook her hand. “Thanks for keeping my secret. Shall we sneak in and cook breakfast? They’ll be hungry when they wake up. But I’m starving now, and I bet you are, too. We’ll leave their food warming in the oven.”
“Sounds great.” She stood up, picked up the ax again, and slung it hard enough that half the blade buried into the stump. “Don’t want to leave it on the ground. That dulls it.”
“Want to go to the store with me later today? Monday is the day I go for supplies,” he asked as they walked side by side to the back porch.
“Nope.”
“Why? It might help you to get away for a while.” He opened the door for her.
“Because you should ask Diana.” Carmen switched on the kitchen light.
The smell of cleaning fluid and a scented candle burning on the table filled the air. He was instantly taken back to his house in Houston. He loved the day the cleaning lady came and made everything all shiny, but what he liked most was that aroma when he first entered the house. He always kept either a vanilla or a sugar-cookie jar candle for her to light when she finished cleaning. Today, the scent seemed to be something spicy, like maybe pumpkin pie.
His stomach growled so loudly that Carmen giggled. “Scented candles always trick my stomach into believing that there’s food cooking. Let’s make pancakes and sausage, and then when the others get up, I’ll cook for them. It’s not my day to have kitchen duty, but I’ll do it anyway.”
“I’ll start the coffee and get out the skillets,” Luke said.
“Diana should fall for you.” Carmen grinned.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you are a good man, and she deserves someone like you. I’ll whip up the batter if you’ll start the sausage to cooking.”