Emmy & Oliver - Robin Benway Page 0,73

him, surprised. “Me,” I said. “And Oliver.”

“Those are two very different sentences, Emmy. Look,” he added quickly before I could protest. “I saw you two at the table tonight. I know there was a lot going on, it got chaotic there, but I saw you two looking at each other. And I know what I saw.”

I was blushing furiously now, untucking my hair from behind my ear so my dad couldn’t see my face. “He’s always been my friend,” I said. “Even when he wasn’t here, okay? And he still is, even though we’re . . .”

“No, I know, sweetie. But Oliver has a lot of pain right now, and I don’t want you to take his burden on yourself.” My dad stroked my hair, eventually uncovering my face, and I let him.

“Dad, it’s, like, ten years too late to worry about that,” I said.

“I know,” he said again. “You saw a lot. Your mom and I tried to protect you from most of it, but Oliver was your friend and he disappeared and there aren’t many ways you can hide that from your kid.” He was still stroking my hair. “But I don’t want you to stay in that place forever. And I don’t want Oliver to stay there, either. You kids have a chance to move on.”

“It’s sort of hard when . . . when you don’t know how.” The words hurt even as I said them and realized how true they were. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t been worried or scared for Oliver. How do you move on from that? I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. Do not cry, I told myself. Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry.

“Well, that’s growing up, isn’t it?” my dad said. “You don’t always have to know. And things aren’t always fair. You just have to keep moving forward. A step in one direction.”

“Do you think Maureen should do the TV show?” I asked after a few minutes, while my dad rubbed my back.

“I think.” My dad thought for a minute. “I think that both Maureen and Oliver want answers that they might never get. And they need to figure out how to deal with that.”

I looked up at my dad. “Tonight, when Oliver and I were talking, I said I’d still love you, even if you kidnapped me. I really would. I get how he feels.”

My dad smiled. “That’s the nicest and most sociopathic thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” I said, then wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. I suddenly wanted to tell him everything—UCSD and surfing and kissing Oliver at the party—but I stopped myself.

One thing at a time.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

The buzz at school started quietly at first, like one tiny mosquito that kept floating around near you, but always just out of reach so you couldn’t squish it. Then it got progressively louder after lunch, and by the time school ended, it was like someone had smashed a wasps’ nest full of gossip onto the floor.

“Why’s everyone freaking out?” I asked Drew once I ran into him. I mean, literally ran into him. He was wearing his soccer uniform and carrying his cleats in one hand.

“UCs are notifying people!” he yelled as he kept running. “Sorry, the bus is leaving! Away game!” He blew kisses in my general direction as he turned the corner, and to be honest, it was a good thing he couldn’t talk.

Because I had gone numb.

The admission letters had arrived. The yes or no I had been waiting for for four months—no, actually, more like four years—was sitting in an in-box somewhere for me, and I suddenly felt terrified no matter what the answer would be.

What was I supposed to do? I immediately started to text Caro, just out of pure instinct, but stopped before I could even start. I couldn’t tell Caro, not yet. She didn’t even know that I had applied to UCSD. In fact, only one person in the entire world knew what I had done, and I needed to find him immediately.

Oliver was coming out of the guidance counselor’s office when I bumped into him. He was scowling a little and had a tight grip on both straps of his backpack, but he smiled when he saw me. “Hey!” he said. “Why are you still—wait, what’s wrong?”

I just shook my head and Oliver bent down and grasped my shoulders. “Em. You’re totally white right now.