Embrace the Darkness (The Maura Quinn Series Book 1) - Ashley N. Rostek Page 0,65

tell me!”

“Yes, I want you! Fuck, I’ve wanted you!” His body turned away, angrily running his hands through his hair. His jaw clenched as he stared off into the distance. He looked torn. Why?

Stunned, all I could do was stand there and watch as he seemed to battle with himself. My fingers ached to comfort him, but I kept my feet rooted to the ground. I wouldn’t pressure him anymore. I couldn’t do that to him, and I couldn’t do that to myself. Instead, I replayed this moment in my head. Rewound everything he'd said, trying to understand why this was so hard for him.

“Why?” I asked. “Why do you think you don’t deserve me?”

His eyes closed slowly, looking pained.

When his eyes opened, they shifted to mine. My breath hitched. They were filled with so much emotion. He was letting it all show. Anger. Defeat. Sadness.

“I’ve never given women respect for more than a night and I don’t think I ever can give more than that,” he explained, sounding bitter. “A relationship could pull me from my priorities and that’s protecting this family and Stefan. If it ever comes down to it—and I know it will—where I’ll be stuck in the middle between you two, I’ll have to choose…”

“You’ll choose Stefan,” I finished for him, not at all surprised. I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy hearing it out loud.

“It’s our code. We all follow it. Even you, in your own way,” he explained.

Stefan’s code of honor was like the Mafia’s omertà. All the men in the family took the code seriously, but as a woman, it wasn’t really something Stefan had sat down and talked about with me. I'd only heard about it because teenaged boys liked to talk when they thought I wasn’t listening. It wasn't like anyone had expected me to be introduced to the business side of things. Women in the family were kept naive because most of the men thought we were too weak to handle what they did, which in turn gave us deniability if anything were to happen. Now that I kind of had my foot in the door, I had a feeling I was going to be hearing about the code a lot more.

I sighed heavily and wiped away the wet tracks along my cheeks. “I don’t know what scenarios you’ve drawn up in your head, but boo fucking hoo. Your loyalty to Stefan is the last thing that’d wreck me. Stefan and I have always butted heads and probably always will. I’m kind of pissed that you’re comparing me to the normal, anorexic, air-headed bimbos you’re used to screwing. Who the hell do you think you’re talking to, Jamie?” I practically growled my words.

Everyone wanted to be the center of someone’s world. It was human nature. You couldn't have those kinds of expectations in our world. I’d always understood that. I'd known there would come a day where I’d meet someone, and I'd prayed they’d be understanding that my loyalty to Stefan had to take priority. Code or not, he was the king of our family’s empire. Everything our family relied on rode on his shoulders. And if anything were to happen to him, it would be chaos.

“In all the years we’ve known each other, I’ve never tried to get you to pick me over him. The fact that you think I would makes me want to punch you in your perfect face,” I fumed.

“I just don’t want to hurt you, Maura.”

Well, shit. How can I be mad at that? My shoulders slumped as my anger simmered. Shifting from one foot to the other, I tried to find the courage to say what I needed to next. I wouldn’t beg him to want me. The ball was in his court. “If I’m going to have a semblance of happiness in this life, I’ll take you any way I can have you because a piece of you is still better than nothing. Even if it’s only friendship. I don’t want to lose you. I need you too much.”

We stood there in the middle of Anarchy’s parking lot just staring at each other. Jamie reeled in his emotions, locking everything down. The longer time passed without his answer, the less confident I felt about anything. My feet shuffled again before I gave up.

“Where’s your car? We might as well head home. I’ll give you space to—”

Jamie startled me by cupping the back of my head and pulling me to him. His lips came down onto