Mr. Barr interrupted her thoughts. “I’m so sorry. This is all on me.”
“Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s all on me. I’m the one who started this whole game back then to begin with. I would go on and on about how immature the boys in our grade were who were interested in me just to avoid things I wasn’t ready for. And to make matters worse, this whole time, since I’ve been back, I’ve probably been stirring it all up again, going on and on about you—about this.” She motioned to the space between them and started to cry.
Mr. Barr went to wipe her tears and she jumped back.
“I can’t,” she said. It was obvious that all that was sweet between them had instantly soured.
“I understand.” He paused and added sadly, “I don’t think I can either.”
Amanda was relieved that they were both on the same page. He continued. “I’m going to speak to the principal about taking that goddamn plaque down before the show. I should have brought up my suspicions before.”
“Well, I hope they believe you. I can’t imagine Eliza finally opening up about this and then having her integrity questioned. But it happens all the time.”
“I’ll let you know what the administrators say.”
As Mandy turned to go back to the house, she saw Carson standing behind a tree smoking.
“You’re smoking again?” she scoffed. When she got close, she could see he had tears on his face. She had only seen him cry at the movies, and not on account of the drama, on account of the box office. She was dumbfounded, yet without sympathy. She knew what Eliza had said was hard for everyone to hear, and how it had affected her was even harder to witness. But Carson deserved to hear it—and see it. She was not going to comfort him. He saw that.
“Tell the kids I say goodbye, and that I’ll see them on Sunday at the show.”
Luke came to the front door and called out to Mandy.
“OK. I have to go,” she said.
“Tell Eliza—um—forget it,” he mumbled and left.
Luke sat down on the front step. Mandy sat down next to him.
“She’s asleep,” he said. “I gave her a Valium that we had in the medicine cabinet from somewhere.” He began to cry. “When we got upstairs, I sat her down on the bed and I lifted off her sweater to put on her nightgown. Her arms were cut up. She’s been cutting herself. When she saw that I saw, she said, ‘I’m sorry, I just wanted to feel something.’”
Mandy started to cry, too. “She hasn’t been leaving the house. I should have told you, but I couldn’t betray her.”
“What?”
“She’s barely left the house since the twins’ graduation. It’s when they announced that honor for that horrible man.”
Luke filled her in on what had occurred at the ceremony. “They made a speech about him and had a slideshow. I feel sick that she had to sit through that, with everyone clapping and singing his praises.”
“It must have triggered her, Luke. She didn’t leave the house for four months in high school. We never knew why, but it must have been . . .”
She didn’t complete her sentence. She couldn’t bear to say it out loud, to hear it out loud again.
Luke wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands. “I don’t know where the hell I’ve been. How could I have missed this? It’s crazy—now, looking back, I see it. I see it all. I feel like such a self-absorbed idiot.”
He put his head in his hands for a minute before making an attempt to shake it off. As if things weren’t bad enough, a car pulled up to the house carrying Eliza’s parents.
“Oh my God,” Mandy exclaimed. “This can’t be happening.”
“And yet there they are—the ice queen, Birdie Reinhart, and her spineless husband, Herb.” Mandy recognized that Luke was in no state to deal with his in-laws.
“OK, Luke, I think you should go check on your family and leave this to me.”
“You would do that?”
“I got it. Go.”
Luke made a run for it while Mandy approached the car.
It had been years since she had seen Eliza’s parents, and their faces both lit up at the sight of her. She hated to have to break their hearts, but this secret had been kept long enough.
CHAPTER 43
Alison
Alison and Olivia walked to their cars. They were tired and hungry and emotionally spent and Lily was being unusually fussy. They hugged goodbye without