recover, and let her say, “I’m so sorry for all of you.”
He thanked her, and falsely added, “It was a long time ago,” as if he still didn’t feel like it had happened just yesterday. He changed the subject, asking Alison if she had bought a Halloween costume for the baby (she had, a peapod) and went right into his Halloween-with-a-teenage-daughter fears.
“I watch the neighborhood girls’ costumes change as they age. One year they ring my bell dressed as an astronaut or a clown or SpongeBob SquarePants, and the next year, suddenly a slutty clown or a slutty astronaut or SpongeBob NoPants! I’m not looking forward to that fight, but I know it’s coming. And don’t worry, I know I can’t use the word ‘slut’ in my argument!”
Alison was impressed that although he joked, he was clearly woke. This roller coaster of emotion coming from this beautiful specimen of a man had her heart thumping around in ways she had never quite felt before. Just as Jack poured out the last smidgen of wine, Zach woke up hungry.
“Can I pick him up while you make his bottle?” Jack asked.
“Please,” Alison responded, thinking both: This guy can’t be for real, and This must be what it’s like to have an extra set of hands. She took Zach back to feed him while Jack paid the bill and stopped to use the restroom. By the time he returned she had burped Zach, placed him back in the stroller in an upright position, and put a little hat on his head to block the sun. As they walked away, she thought about how hard she tried to do everything correctly. She looked down at her baby and suddenly revealed the thing that worried her most.
“Sometimes, when I look at him, I just wonder how badly I’m going to fuck him up.”
Jack laughed. “I felt the same thing when Jana was a baby. My mom told me something very cheesy, but it stuck with me, and it helped.” He hesitated but Alison coaxed him on. “She said a baby is like an apple seed. That tiny seed already contains everything needed to make an entire tree. The strong trunk, a host of branches, even the apples, it’s all predetermined in the DNA of that little seed. Most of the job is done. You just have to tend to it. Just like a baby.”
“I love that,” Alison responded. “Your mom sounds like she was a very smart woman.”
“She was. I miss her,” he said, and the melancholy in his eyes matched his words.
“I miss mine, too,” she said, with uncharacteristic vulnerability.
He wrapped his arms around her, slowly and purposefully, enveloping her in a sensation of both tenderness and strength. She sunk into his chest, giving of herself in a way that she never had before.
She couldn’t take it any longer. She placed her hands against the cut of his jaw, looked into his eyes, and kissed him. He responded with a desire he hadn’t felt in years, and all thoughts of needing to come clean before being intimate with her escaped his head. While they were both aware that they were standing in a public place, they continued kissing until they literally needed to break for air. There was a tender hunger between them that Alison was not used to. She considered asking him if he wanted to come back to her house. Though achingly aware that she had made the first move with their kiss, things were stirring so strongly in her she couldn’t bear not to satisfy them.
Jackie felt similarly and it stopped him in his tracks. He knew he had to tell her, and he knew it had to be done immediately. As he struggled to find the words, Jana bounded up, interrupting them.
“Hi, Daddy!” she exclaimed with a little extra sweetness in her words. She was clearly there to check out his date. He felt flustered—all worry of telling Alison the truth replaced with concern that Jana may have seen them making out like two teenagers in the middle of town. He rallied and introduced them.
“Hi, baby,” and then, “Alison, this is my daughter. Jana, this is Alison and her baby, Zach.”
“He is so cute,” Jana squealed. “If you ever need a babysitter!”
Alison allowed herself to envision this sweet girl caring for her baby. Maybe she would invite them both over for dinner next week.
“Did you eat?” Jackie asked, like the good parent that he was.