Being forced to talk about the ugliest things in her life in front of strangers was very heavy and extremely uncomfortable. Talking about them in front of her husband felt even worse for Eliza. The pain she saw in his eyes when she described what had happened to her was not something she would soon forget. While they both felt they had been rubbed raw, it was a necessary step toward her recovery.
The process had seemed to work well for Eliza. The doctors put her on an antidepressant that tapered both her lows and her highs, allowing her to examine her issues in neutral. She was by no means cured, if such a thing were even possible, but she’d been given the tools to live her best life, as they liked to call it in rehab. The psychiatrist there connected her to a local therapist whom she had already met and bonded with over Skype. She was set to see her twice a week to start.
She also felt physically healthier, which went a long way toward feeling good about oneself. The forced walks outside and daily yoga classes were beneficial in more ways than one, and she committed to continue exercising at home.
The clientele at Crossroads was partially made up of women and teenage girls with anorexia. Eliza saw so much of her mother in these women. It brought her new ways to understand her and put a different lens on her childhood.
Luke arrived a few minutes before eleven and she could see from his face that he was nervous as well. It made her wonder, would they still fit together? He didn’t really know the real Eliza—neither did she; she’d been gone for so long. He hugged her tentatively and she responded longer and stronger than she ever had before. It surprised him, and he responded with tears—lots of them, more than she had collectively seen come from his eyes in their lifetime together. She knew from that quick display of emotion that their particular love could mend anything—even layers upon layers of anything. She was excited to begin a journey that felt much more promising than the one she had left, both hers and theirs.
The first question Eliza asked when they pulled off the exit for home was, “So, is there any food in the house?”
Luke answered sheepishly. “Well, yes, if by food you mean six different kinds of cereal and ramen.”
It was oddly satisfying to hear that he suffered in that department. Everyone likes to feel needed, she thought when she felt bad for feeling that way.
“Do you mind if I drop you off and head over to the Stop & Shop?”
“We could go together,” Luke volunteered. She could tell he was worried about leaving her alone. That would never work, she thought.
“No thanks. I want to go on my own, test out my sea legs.”
As soon as she dropped Luke at home, she called Amanda. She had spoken to her briefly during her stay, begging them to let her make a call to check on her. Amanda and the girls had been settling back in in LA, and things were quiet, which was exactly what she had hoped for. Carson had continued down the remorseful path, treating Amanda with respect and coming to terms with his accusers. He was one of the few men to really speak up about the culture he subscribed to and take responsibility for his actions. It didn’t negate what he’d done at all, but it did teach his children the power of forgiveness.
* * *
—
Amanda was thrilled to see Eliza’s number pop up on her phone.
“Eliza!” she shouted. “Did they spring you loose, or did you escape?”
“I’m out! Good to gallivant through the real world on my own.”
“That’s great! How are you feeling?”
“I’m really excited to be home. I feel strong and more empowered, for sure. How are you guys doing?”
“All good. You won’t believe it, but I’m coming from an audition.”
“That’s amazing. How did it go?”
“All right. My agent thinks I’m getting calls due to curiosity more than talent. But whatever gets me in the door, right?”
“Right for you. In my case, it’s out the door!”
“Exactly.” Mandy laughed, happy to have her old friend back.
Eliza arrived at the Stop & Shop and the two women hung up, but not before promising to speak with each other at least once a week going forward.
Eliza pushed her cart down aisle four, sashaying right past the donuts without stopping, and headed toward the