Elf Defence (Adventures in Aguillon #2) - Lisa Henry Page 0,79
at the stage.
“Humans are so stupid,” Benji gasped, holding his stomach as tears streamed down his face. “Plays are so stupid. Everything is so stupid.”
For once, Loth agreed with him.
Scott, of course played Scott. It turned out that Scott’s version of Scott was even more painful than the real thing. Loth hadn't thought it was possible for someone to cock up playing themselves, but Scott managed it. There was, funnily enough, no mention of shitting in the swamp.
Calarian was played by a whip-thin boy with acne and yet another terrible wig. Ada was played by a man who spent the entire play kneeling, and Benji...
Benji was played by a busty woman with dark hair and skin-tight pants with a cucumber shoved down the front of them.
“At least I’m still hot,” Benji said, crunching on some peanuts. “But my dick is bigger than that.”
“That’s true,” Calarian said. He and Benji fist bumped.
“Yeah,” Quinn agreed, nodding.
“Maybe there weren’t any decent sized eggplants available,” Loth suggested. “I think Scott used the last one on his costume.”
“I think you’re very pretty as a girl, Benji,” Dave said.
“Gender constructs are stupid,” Benji said. “But thank you, Dave.”
Pie was played by a finger puppet, and still managed to steal every scene. And when at last the play was done, and the confused audience clapped awkwardly, Loth and Quinn escaped before Scott could invite them to the after party.
“I can’t move!” Benji yelled after them, from where he was rolling on the floor grasping his stomach. “Help me, humans! I’ve laughed so much I hurt all over!”
Loth and Quinn ignored him and hurried outside into the gardens.
“I feel like if we ban all theatre by royal decree, that would be a bad thing,” Quinn said. “But I can’t deny I’m tempted.”
“Are you sure we can’t execute Scott?”
“Oh, I’m so tempted,” Quinn said, his mouth tugging up in a smile. “But, you know, also a bad thing.”
“How about banishment?” Loth asked.
“Banishment?” Quinn raised his eyebrows. “For writing a bad play?”
“I was thinking about banishing us,” Loth said, “in an attempt to outrun our humiliation.”
Quinn snorted.
“Although...” Loth hummed.
“What?” Quinn asked. “You have that look on your face that means you’re plotting something. With you, it usually ends in blowjobs.”
“That’s because everything should end in blowjobs.”
“True.”
Loth grinned at him, and tugged him closer. He planted a smacking kiss on his lips. “So, supporting the arts, you said?”
Quinn wrinkled his nose.
“You know what would be really supportive?”
“What?” Quinn asked.
“If we paid Scott and his theatre troupe enough money so that they could take this play on the road,” Loth said. “For a really extended tour. A long, long way away from here For years.”
Quinn gasped. “That would be incredibly supportive of us!” He paused. “He’s not taking Dave, is he? We want to keep Dave.”
“We’re definitely keeping Dave,” Loth said. “So that's settled. Tomorrow, we establish, by royal decree, the Callier Travelling Players. Now, what was that you said about a blowjob?”
Quinn grinned wickedly, grabbed him by the hand, and dragged him inside and up the stairs to their bedroom. Loth followed him eagerly. The play might have been a disaster, but at least he knew the rest of the night would have a happy ending. And he was pretty sure that at least a significant part of him would give Quinn’s performance a standing ovation, over and over again until dawn.
Afterword
Thank you so much for reading Elf Defence. We hope that you enjoyed it. We would very much appreciate it if you could take a few moments to leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads, or on your social media platform of choice.
To connect with Lisa on social media, you can find her here:
Website
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She also has a Facebook group where you’ll be kept in the loop with updates on releases, have a chance to win prizes, and probably see lots and lots of pictures of her dog and cats. You can find it here: Lisa Henry’s Hangout.
You can connect with Sarah on Facebook, or send her an email at [email protected].
Also by Lisa Henry
Naked Ambition
Dauntless
Anhaga
Two Man Station (Emergency Services #1)
Lights and Sirens (Emergency Services #2)
The California Dashwoods
Adulting 101
Sweetwater
He Is Worthy
The Island
Tribute
One Perfect Night
Fallout, with M. Caspian
Dark Space (Dark Space #1)
Darker Space (Dark Space #2)
Starlight (Dark Space #3)
Playing the Fool series, with J.A. Rock
The Two Gentlemen of Altona
The Merchant of Death
Tempest
With J.A. Rock
The Preacher’s Son
When All the World Sleeps
Another Man’s Treasure
Fall on Your Knees
Mark Cooper versus America (Prescott College #1)
Brandon Mills versus the V-Card (Prescott College #2)
The Good Boy (The Boy #1)
The Boy Who Belonged (The Boy #2)
With Sarah Honey
Red Heir
Elf Defence
With Tia Fielding
Family Recipe
Recipe for Two
Writing as Cari Waites
Stealing Innocents
About Lisa and Sarah
ABOUT LISA HENRY
Lisa likes to tell stories, mostly with hot guys and happily ever afters.
Lisa lives in tropical North Queensland, Australia. She doesn't know why, because she hates the heat, but she suspects she's too lazy to move. She spends half her time slaving away as a government minion, and the other half plotting her escape.
She attended university at sixteen, not because she was a child prodigy or anything, but because of a mix-up between international school systems early in life. She studied History and English, neither of them very thoroughly.
She shares her house with too many cats, a dog, a green tree frog that swims in the toilet, and as many possums as can break in every night. This is not how she imagined life as a grown-up.
Lisa has been published since 2012, and was a LAMBDA finalist for her quirky, awkward coming-of-age romance Adulting 101, and a Rainbow Awards finalist for 2019’s Anhaga.
ABOUT SARAH HONEY
Sarah lives in Western Australia with her partner, two cats, two dogs and a TARDIS.
A teacher once told her life’s not a joke.
She begs to differ.
Her proudest achievements include having kids who will still be seen with her in public, and knowing all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody.
Elf Defence is her second published novel.