Elf Defence (Adventures in Aguillon #2) - Lisa Henry Page 0,29

all right, then. Gretchen’s terrifying,” Lars said happily.

“Well I need to piss first, and can we at least eat before we head to our inevitable deaths on a dangerous and possibly pointless quest?” Benji grumbled, wandering over to a nearby bush and pulling out his dick. Calarian was fairly sure he was brandishing it at Lars like some sort of sexy weapon. Calarian wasn’t sure what Benji’s problem was, but he really was a cranky bag of arseholes this morning.

“We have some bread and cheese left,” he offered.

Lars brightened at that. “Oh, we can do better than that. I packed plenty to eat,” he offered, and it was then that Calarian noticed the rucksack the size of a small country that was slung over Lars's muscled shoulder. “I have danishes, apple scrolls, cheese and onion pasties, more cheese, the other cheese that’s different to the first cheese, pickled onions to go with the cheese, iced Tournel tarts, and gingerbread.”

The change in Benji’s demeanour was startling. “Gingerbread? Really?” His eyes lit up like a child’s at a festival. “And you’d share it?”

“Of course,” Lars said with a bright smile. “That’s what friends do, isn’t it? They share!”

Benji’s jaw dropped as though he was having some sort of revelation. Calarian thought that he was possibly having one as well.

Holy shit.

Friends shared.

And he and Benji were certainly friends, weren’t they? And Lars was a friend as well. He’d just said so.

“Yes,” Benji said brightly to Lars, but he sent a quick, sly smile in Calarian’s direction, so there was no mistaking the fact that he wasn’t talking about food at all. “Sharing’s great! Let’s all share!”

Lars smiled broadly. “Wonderful!”

He obviously had no idea that he and Benji were talking about very different types of sharing. Calarian knew that sometimes humans were very backwards about things, and that, to them, sharing breakfast cheeses was a little bit different than sharing sex. Personally, Calarian thought they were both incredibly satisfying and that putting a moral judgement on one of them and not the other was completely odd and arbitrary.

“But before we share breakfast,” Lars said, “I need to tell you that I think I’ve found the monster! I was just herding these cows back around the mountain and out of its way before it ate them, and then I found you!”

“You’ve found it?” Calarian asked, exchanging a look with Benji who appeared grudgingly impressed.

“Yes,” Lars said. “Just a little further along this path there’s a copse of trees. I think the monster is sleeping in there. I couldn’t get a good look, but I caught a glimpse, and I’ve never seen anything like it before!”

“What does it look like?” Benji asked, wide-eyed.

“It’s big,” Lars said. “Big, and green, with kind of tufty hair, and tusks like a pig, and–”

At that moment the monster in question lumbered into sight around the bend in the track. It was exactly as Lars had described it. It was also grinning happily, strumming a lute, and had a tiny fingerdragon buzzing around its head.

Calarian’s jaw dropped. “Dave?”

Dave the orc waved a meaty green hand in greeting, and Pie the fingerdragon chirped and flew in lazy loop-the-loops. “Hi, Calarian! Hi, Benji! Hi, other guy!” He pointed at Calarian. “Nice shorts!”

“Lederhosen,” Lars said, eyes wide as he stared at Dave.

Dave nodded sagely, and looking particularly pleased with himself, said, “Gesundheit.”

Chapter Eight

Benji looked from Lars to Dave and back again, and then clicked his tongue. Pie chirruped and flew over to him, lighting on his extended finger. Benji quite liked Pie. He didn’t ask stupid questions like humans did, plus he’d killed Quinn’s evil uncle, so he could obviously be counted on as an ally when the revolution came. That, and he was adorable.

“But what are you doing here?” Calarian asked. “Did Quinn send you?”

Dave scratched his head, face scrunched in thought. “No,” he said finally. “I heard there was a fierce monster. An’ I thought maybe it was a dragon. They get very cranky when they have a clutch of eggs. So I came looking, ’cause you can take an egg or two if you’re careful. But I heard it, and it doesn’t sound like a dragon.”

The pinkish tinge on his greenish skin made him flush a very strange colour indeed. Like an under-ripe mulberry.

Benji narrowed his eyes. “Is that all?” He’d never seen an orc blush, didn’t even know it was possible, but he was fairly certain that’s what he was seeing right now. “Dave, you have more dragon eggs and