hole, which would send the ball either up a ramp to a pirate ship, or down two holes. “He looked so sad. He didn’t smile a lot, but when he did—even the small grins—it felt like a big thing.”
Fredric’s expression fell a little. “I know what that’s like. My parents…we were never close, but the burden of what came after when they died—that was worse than anything else. To see their lives condensed into numbers and forms. I wasn’t able to take a lot of joy in remembering them.”
Archer smiled softly as he tapped his ball, missing the ramp, and sending it down far from the hole. “Maybe that’s why I got into astrophysics. Everything gets condensed into numbers, and I was able to find beauty and purpose in that.”
Fredric passed the leash off, but before he stepped back, he grabbed Archer’s wrist. “Do you think you can fall in love with him?”
Archer stared down at where Fredric’s hand gripped him—the contrast of darker olive skin against his own pale white. His hands looked like Julian’s—the same shape of the knuckles, the same squared, blunt nails. He suddenly felt Julian’s absence like a physical thing, and his breath was a little shaky as he let it out. “Yes. Yes, I do. And it scares me—not to love him, but to be wrong, you know? I’ve never fallen in love before. I never thought I would. My whole life has been so solitary, and I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to recognize love when it was finally standing in front of me.”
“I know that feeling. I thought,” Fredric stopped and slowly released Archer from his grip. “Jacqueline was so charming. She was gorgeous and brave and fun. She used to make me laugh, and I thought,” his voice went tight, and he cleared his throat, turning his face away. “I was young and stupid. I didn’t know what she was really good at was putting on the act. She has a singular talent for understanding people the moment she meets them. She can find those soft, tender places inside, and dig her fingers in. It doesn’t hurt at first. You get used to feeling her there. And then she squeezes.”
Archer abandoned all pretense and tugged Fredric in for a hug. “I’m sorry.”
Fredric shook his head, but he still held tight. “Julian’s lucky to have found you.”
“I’m luckier,” Archer shot back immediately. “And hell, if it can happen to me…”
With a watery laugh, Fredric pulled back and gave Archer’s cheek a pat. “I haven’t given up hope on myself even though I’m an old man.”
“Not that old,” Archer said, and Fredric grinned widely.
“Old enough. But you two have years—lifetimes—ahead of you. Trust yourself, and maybe trust him.”
The second part he could do. It was too easy to place his heart in Julian’s careful hands and have utter and absolute faith it would return to him unblemished and unbruised. But himself…he had already started this path on a vicious lie, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to give Julian everything until he came clean.
And he knew better than anyone the probability that he’d be walking away and leaving his heart behind.
Chapter 25
It was close to one by the time they got back to the cottages, and Archer gave in to his instincts once more and held Fredric in a tight hug before hurrying off, hoping he had enough time to get ready before meeting Julian. He wasn’t expecting to find him there just yet, and his heart skipped a beat when he found the man he was falling for lying on his back with his nose buried in a book.
When the door shut, Julian sat up, and his face softened into a small grin when his gaze landed on Archer. “How was your morning?”
Archer shrugged, falling onto the bed next to his lover and curling in close. He let out a small sigh as Julian’s fingers brushed through the back of his hair, and he closed his eyes. “Your dad and I went to mini-golf.”
Julian made a choked noise, and Archer looked up to see him staring, wide-eyed. “You what?”
Pushing up onto his elbow, Archer shifted closer and set his hand over the cover of Julian’s book. “Yeah. It was…kind of romantic.”
Julian groaned loudly and put both arms around Archer, tugging until he was lying on top of him. The book fell off to the side, but Julian didn’t seem to care as he pushed their mouths together in a