year. But when the kids were born—I liked that part. I liked teasing them as December got closer, and I liked surprising them Christmas morning.”
Archer bit his lip through a grin, trying to picture a chubby-faced Julian with a big grin and wide eyes as he stared at a tree with presents underneath. Rex had always made him feel special, but there wasn’t ever any magic—at least, not in the way people talked about it. Even now, with the wedding so close to the holiday, he didn’t feel like he needed to be anywhere else.
He wondered if maybe it was another thing his parents had robbed him of—that connection. He never asked Rex what things were like before he was born, and what things had changed before their parents died. He simply accepted his present as his current reality, and let it be.
“Are you alright? You’re quiet this morning,” Fredric asked after a long pause.
Archer sighed. “Yes. No. I don’t know.” He let out a small, frustrated groan and ate half his Danish before speaking again. “I like your son.”
At that, Fredric laughed, shaking his head. “I figured that one out myself, if you can believe it.”
Rolling his eyes, Archer sipped his coffee, then set everything down in front of him. “I mean, I wasn’t expecting to want to…change things.”
“How so?”
“I had a plan,” he confessed. “I came back to visit with my brother…”
“Governor Dawson,” Fredric offered, and Archer groaned.
“I figured Bryce would tell everyone, but I was kind of hoping I could tell you before it got around.” And he meant that. He liked Fredric, and he’d grown to hate the lies he was weaving for Julian’s sake. This wasn’t how he wanted the man to find out.
“I understand. I mean, I don’t know why you kept it a secret,” Fredric added, his brows furrowed. “But I know you had your reasons.”
Archer debated just spilling—because maybe he’d get it. Maybe he’d understand. Then again, Fredric loved his son down to the very make-up of his being, and knowing that Archer had misled him the way he did, he didn’t want to risk it. Not now. “It’s complicated. But Julian knows, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not. My son is a grown man, and although he’s been hurt, he’s not weak. And I don’t need sight to see how much you two belong together.”
Archer winced, then squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m supposed to go back to Paris. I have work. Research.”
“Ah.”
“I could do it here—I mean, I could do it anywhere I have access to a lab and equipment.”
Fredric leaned forward, his hands falling between his spread thighs. “But that’s not what you want.”
Archer closed his eyes. “I think that’s my problem. I thought I knew what I wanted, and I never expected…” He cleared his throat. “I’ve never really been in a relationship before. I’ve had occasional partners, but they never meant anything.”
“And my son is different,” Fredric said, his tone somewhere between a statement and a question.
Archer dragged his top lip between his teeth, then let go. “He’s different.”
“I wish I had words to help you,” Fredric said after a moment, dragging his hand through his hair. He looked younger then, in spite of the greys peppered through his dark hair, and the lines at the corners of his eyes. Although Julian looked more like his mother, Archer saw him in the gentleness of Fredric’s manners, and the quiet ferocity of the way he cared. “I know I haven’t been the best father to either of my children…”
“Julian adores you,” Archer said in a rush, and Fredric laughed.
“I know he does. He was my shadow long before he was walking, and he stayed that way long after. I don’t doubt my son’s love or devotion to me. But it was also to a fault.” Fredric sat back and rubbed his left eye for a long moment. “His mother used it against him, and I let her. I told myself it was just easier that way, and I don’t…” He swallowed thickly and there was faint color rising in his cheeks. “I don’t know why I lied to myself like that. I don’t know why I let her convince me I’d lose everything if I walked away.” Fredric laughed again, the sound tense, and he shook his head. “I’m so sorry. You don’t need me to dump this on you.”
Archer’s heart ached for the man, and he pushed to his feet. “Fuck that. You know what we both