Echoes Between Us - McGarry, Katie Page 0,88
taking care of my arm. I didn’t want anyone to know what I did so I went to the Y and faked a fall on the pool deck. It was a crap thing to do. I know it. I’m trying to stop so I started going to AA meetings.”
She tilts her head in disbelief, and I bitterly chuckle at her incredulous expression.
“There’s this guy a few years older than me, and he knows my problem. Even though I’m not an alcoholic and don’t drink, he’s taken me on. He’s my sponsor, I’m going to weekly meetings and I’m going to kick this. I’m going to stop jumping off of cliffs because if I don’t, I’ll die.”
Veronica’s eyes flicker about my face, searching for something, and I hope to hell she finds it. “Is it really that hard to stop?”
Her question digs into my soul. “Yeah. I’d love to go now. I’m wound as tight as I can get. Every part of me hurts. But when I jump…” Just thinking of the high makes me hungry … thirsty, as Knox would say. A deep breath in and then another out.
“I get it if this is too much for you,” I say. “You’re the only person who knows about my need to jump besides my sponsor. I haven’t even had the courage to talk at the AA meetings yet.”
“Why are you telling me this?” she asks.
“Because you need to know I’m a real bastard. On that night, even though the ground was loose, we may have been able to climb back up the cliff. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to jump, and I wanted the added complication of jumping with you.” Anger at myself pummels my muscles and it’s chased by a shot of shame.
“I was stupid,” I say. “Careless and wrong. I could have hurt you and that pisses me off. I get it if you think I’m crazy and want to walk away.”
“Sawyer,” Veronica says slowly.
I glance over at her and she’s not looking at me like I expect—as if I’m the world’s biggest jerk, but instead with gentle understanding. This girl continuously trips me up.
“You don’t think I’m already aware you like a good rush?”
My mouth drops open to respond, but confused, I snap it shut again.
“How do people not see that about you?” She speaks in a slow way, as if testing out the words, like she might offend me. “If anyone bothers to take a good look at you, it’s obvious you like situations that get your heart pumping. I saw it that day at the TB hospital when the cops showed. You were willing to go toe to toe with me for as long as it took.”
My forehead creases as her words churn in my stomach. Do other people see it and say nothing or do other people in my life not see me at all?
“I don’t think liking extreme sports is a particularly bad thing, but I do think it crosses a line if you’re knowingly putting yourself into danger for the rush. Jumping out of planes with a parachute—not a problem. Jumping off of dangerous cliffs and into rocks because you can’t stop yourself—that’s a bit much. But I also give you credit for getting the help you need. Bonus points for the creative use of an AA meeting in your pursuit to make it right.”
“You should be bothered that I put you in danger.”
“First off, you didn’t put me in danger. I’m the idiot who tried to reach down for a barrette. I fell and you came after me to help. If you had wanted the jump to begin with, you wouldn’t have grabbed for me like you did. I felt the tug as you tried to drag me back up, but the pull of the landslide was too great.”
True.
“Two, I’m a smart girl and if I’m going to be offended by anything it’s going to be that you thought I hadn’t taken the climb into consideration before choosing the jump. I don’t let anyone talk me into anything. I saw the loose ground, and I also thought we could make the climb, but then I also considered the fact that if the climb did prove unsuccessful and the ground beneath us gave, we would have fallen into the water anyhow. Then you wouldn’t have been in the position to help me swim.”
I’m dumbfounded. So much so that I can do nothing more than stare at her.
“I don’t have room to