slick from the ocean, I’m able to twist and duck out of his arms.
I walk backward into the surf. Adrenaline pumps quickly in my veins from excitement and fear. “I’m alive, Sawyer, and I’m ready to live again.”
His eyes wander up and then down, a seductive slide of his gaze, as if he’s also very interested in living. “There are rules for learning to swim.”
“Rules don’t apply to me, remember?”
“Oh, I remember.” His smile leaves me nearly breathless, then the wave that crashes into my back steals the rest of the air from my lungs.
I squeal, Sawyer’s immediately by my side, his hand holding mine, but he doesn’t sweep me up, instead he is talking me through what to do. I laugh, Sawyer laughs, I swim, almost sink, then swim again. I fail, I try again, I fail, I sort of succeed.
The waves roll up then down, always one right after the other, but I don’t give up. I never give up. And neither does Sawyer. He’s right beside me. Patient, kind, and doesn’t once try to do it for me. He encourages, but he lets me fight on my own.
And then we reach the sandbar, laughing. I fall into his arms and we kiss, kiss some more, and we enjoy every second of living.
SAWYER
Monday November 18: It started out to be pretty nice today and then it rained. Helen and I took a little walk this morning. We had rehearsal this afternoon from 4 to 5 and another tonight from 6:30 to 7:30. It went fine tonight. Better than it ever has before.
We had services tonight. Rev. Lubin came. Saw Morris and talked to him for awhile.
Found part of MacD’s sketch for Thanksgiving. Haha.
I often reread the last entry of Evelyn’s diary. I don’t know if I’m searching for some sort of clue of what she was really thinking in the moment or searching for context of what happened next.
The only solace is that the entry was … simple, peaceful. The living of the day-to-day with the idea that tomorrow will definitely come.
Veronica plays the piano. I thought her voice was the most beautiful sound in the world. It still is, but listening to her play is a close second.
She’s taking lessons now, and she’s considering applying to a conservatory. Not for this coming year, as she’s missed all the deadlines, but next. She’s focusing on finishing her senior year online this summer and then on honing her musical skills. Veronica was able to keep up with some of her classes this past year, but there were some that were too much.
One step at a time, that’s what Ulysses told her. She and I took that to heart.
I sit on the couch in her apartment, a computer on my lap. Sylvia, Miguel and I finished the senior thesis paper without Veronica—but it was a scaled-down version because the leader of our team wasn’t there to help us properly. We did great on it, but it wasn’t what any of us truly thought it could be.
Now with Veronica back to work on graduating, we asked if we could redo the paper with her, even though the three of us already have our diplomas. Veronica and our English teacher agreed.
Veronica’s senior thesis paper is due this week. She has finished her part, Sylvia and Miguel, too. Ninety-nine percent of my part is done, I just have to add my final reflection.
Ghosts.
Hauntings.
I start to speak softly into the mic for the computer to type …
Last August I started this paper as a skeptic; ghosts weren’t real, so therefore neither were hauntings. But I know now that’s all wrong.
Ghosts are real and so are hauntings. I know because I’ve been haunted for years by the ghosts of my past. To clarify, using the terminology from earlier in this paper, a residual haunting. An emotional circumstance that was so powerful it became imprinted in my soul—playing over and over again in a loop, thereby affecting my every decision.
But here’s the thing about coming to terms with hauntings and ghosts being real—you can eradicate them. Get rid of those things that follow you around, affecting every aspect of your life. A cleansing like the one performed in the house as discussed above.
At the start of this paper, I didn’t believe in much—love included. But by digging deep into myself, by confronting those things that scare me the most, I found love. Love for my friends, for my family, for the woman I love and more