The Easy Part of Impossible - Sarah Tomp Page 0,86
behind her felt cold and damp, but it was such a trivial discomfort, irrelevant compared to the heat of him, warm and solid, pressed tight against her. Even with the ache and swirl in her head, kissing him felt right and real and now. In the dark, tightly wrapped together, missing took on a different color. But Fear was here too.
“I’m scared of Benny.”
“He’s not here.”
“He’s always in my head. All the time. I’m scared he’s going to find out I’m here. He won’t like it. He’ll say it’s dangerous or reckless or a waste of time. I’ve kept this place a secret from everyone I know because of him. Someone else would have told him, not because they want to hurt me, but because he always finds things out. This cave is the one thing he doesn’t know.” Her voice was thick in her aching throat.
“It was Benny who scared me at that meet. The other coach yelled, but in my head it was him. I thought I was being chased, so I ran. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I was running from Benny.”
“He won’t find you here. You’re safe.”
But she couldn’t stay here forever. And when they left the dark, Benny would be there, waiting for her. They’d be headed to Colorado and the NDT where she’d have to keep her balance—and Benny’s, too—in a whole new place with all-new pressures and coaches and comparisons. The unknown was too enormous and dark, filled with shadows and worries.
Cotton wrapped his arm around her. For now he was someone to lean on. Now was her new favorite time.
“If he’s so awful, why do I miss it so much? Why do I miss diving?”
“Diving is not the same as Benny.”
But for her, it was. Diving had always been wrapped up in his orders and approval, and control.
“I don’t know how to dive.” Cotton’s voice was deep and warm. “I understand the different parts: approach, hurdle, lift, flip, entry. And I know logically that you control your muscles and move your body in a particular way for the desired motion, but I don’t understand how you put it all together. It seems impossible.”
“It takes practice. Hard work.”
“Yes. But I still don’t fully understand it. I couldn’t do it. Most people can’t. Not like you. So maybe I have this wrong, but I keep going back to Ms. Q’s rules.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not acceptable to hit. We use our words, not our hands.”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Benny didn’t follow Ms. Q’s rules. Or anyone’s but his own.
“Cotton? Ria?” Flutie sounded worried, from somewhere along the rocks.
Ria pulled herself away from him and called out, “We’ll be right there.” She handed him his helmet and said, “We’re being summoned,” the way she knew he was about to say.
After a quick breakfast, they were all eager to get moving.
It was a tight fit now. Four times two was a lot of feet too close together. She needed to move, to leave this cramped space and to shake off her haunting worry.
“The dark is seriously getting on my nerves,” said Flutie.
They all laughed, but Ria agreed that something about this part of the cave felt different. The echoes here were a lower pitch. It was like the walls had a different composition. Or maybe it was a thickness of the air.
When Cotton suddenly stopped, she crashed into him. She heard Flutie slip seconds before her boots collided with the back of Ria’s heels. Then the bump of Leo at the back.
“Cotton! Warn us if you’re going to stop,” fussed Flutie.
He didn’t answer. He took off his helmet and turned it over in his hands. Ria shone her light so he could see. He fiddled with the inner lining, then ran his hand over his head. “I think I have a knot. From last night.”
Ria reached out, ran her fingers through his hair, roaming his scalp. “Whoa, Cotton! Yes, you have a knot. That must hurt.”
“Please stop pressing it.”
“Sorry.”
“Are you good to keep going?” asked Leo.
“Yes.” Except he still didn’t move.
“What’s wrong?” Ria asked.
“Listen.”
At first, all she heard was breathing. All four of them were slightly winded. There was a creak from someone’s gear. Then, she realized she heard a roar of white noise in the background. Faster and steadier than the sound of bats. “What is it?” she asked, bracing herself for the answer.
“Water,” said Cotton.
She laughed—they all did—as fear and hesitation morphed into thrill. “Let’s find it.”