Earth Husbands are Odd (Earth Fathers #2) - Lyn Gala Page 0,60

meant Rick had to lose him.

Completely oblivious to the emotional moment, the judge had the gall to continue the official hearing. “The translation matrix translates marriaging to a non-economic term. Clarify the economics of marriaging.”

“What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health,” Max said. “Those are some of the vows we take when we marry.”

More tapping on the translator. Max had the feeling that he was being asked to create a legal definition—one that all humans would have to live up to. These people made judgments—like humans were morons—and then they blithely assumed every conclusion they reached was right. As far as Max was concerned, that made them morons. The judge looked up. “Clarify, time of vows between you and Ugly one.”

“Okay, no!” Max held up a finger of warning, which was the same gesture his mother had used every time Max had traipsed mud over her floors. “You do not get to insult him by calling him ugly.”

The judge raised his head on that awkwardly long neck. “Ugly one is official designation, not insult.”

“Well it’s pretty fucking insulting.”

Rick blurbled a quiet, “Max,” but Max ignored that.

“They are called the Hidden ones. If my people get up here... No, when they get up here because they will work together and get their asses into space now that they know the rest of the universe is flying over their heads. So, when they get here, they might choose to call you Big Nostril aliens or Freaky Lip aliens or even Ugly ones.” The judge’s nostrils all tightened to slits. “But they will at least call you that in private. They won’t walk up to your face and say it.”

“Preach it,” Dee said quietly.

The judge stared at Max for a long time before he glanced at Rick and Kohei, who was pressed close to his father’s side. Then he looked back at Max. “Official hearing requires official nomenclature,” the judge said. “I shall designate the Ugly one ‘Rick’ to avoid insulting. Clarify time of vows between you and Rick.”

Since Max was not going to win the fight over what the universe called Rick’s species, he focused on the question. “To have vows, we needed witnesses, so we never officially had vows.”

“Clarify the not using small Ugly on—”

“Ah!” Max held up a finger and spoke loud enough to stop the judge from finishing his thought. “Those are my children. If you call them ugly, I will be unreasonable.”

Rick tightened his hold over Max’s arm. That was a fairly strong suggestion that Max was on the edge of the local version of a contempt of court charge, but he was not going to let this guy insult his kids.

“I am ignorant of the designations for the small—” The judge thrust his lips out without finishing his sentence. Max still knew exactly what he was thinking.

“This is Kohei,” Max said before the judge could say something that Max would not forgive. “Back at the ship, James and Xander are waiting for us to return.”

The judge drew his lips back in. “Clarify the not using Kohei, James and Xander as witnesses for official vows.”

“They were short one judge for a wedding,” Dee said.

The judge turned toward Dee. “Clarify function of judge.”

Max took that one. “A judge is an official of public or government organizations.”

“Or you could have a minister marry you,” Dee added. “But without a judge or a minister, a marriage isn’t legal. And before you ask, a minister is an official of the church, which is a system of beliefs.”

The judge swiveled his head from Max to Dee and back again .He leaned back on his table. “Clarify. Humans have officials of beliefs. Affirmative or negative?”

Since the judge was turned toward Max, he answered. “We do. I mean, humans in general do. My family isn’t terribly religious, but religion is pretty common.” Max closed his mouth when the judge’s head tilted. He had no idea what that gesture meant, but he knew that people took religion seriously, and the judge’s whole species once believed they were chosen by God. So silence was the best strategy here.

“Designated Rick, do you recognize the validity of Unbalanced one’s marriage?”

Max blinked. Unbalanced? Max hoped they were talking about human walking and not psychology. He also suspected that hope was in vain. Rick had warned him that he was making himself look like a psycho.

“I do,” Rick said. “I am husband to Max and he is husband to