Earth Husbands are Odd (Earth Fathers #2) - Lyn Gala Page 0,23

kids’ did when they were upset. Either they weren’t upset or they didn’t have the same sort of physical reactions. Well if they weren’t upset now, Max needed to make them worry a little. As long as they dismissed him as a moron, they wouldn’t credit him with the ability to engineer anything, much less a complex navigational system. If they thought he was a bigger asshole than they were, he could pull this con off.

“He calls me father because I am his father.” Max rested his hand on his weapon, and then his translator gave the distinctive chirp that meant it had connected to a new database.

“You were Ugly surrogate,” a Chosen said, and the new translation computer was definitely working because the disgusted tone was unmistakable.

Max took a step toward the Chosen alien. “Among my people, someone who is a surrogate for a child or who adopts a child is considered a parent. Genetics does not define parenthood.”

Bundy moved carefully between Max and the buyers. “Some species do accept parental roles outside of genetic lines, but I don't know of any species who accepts offspring of another species.”

Max channeled his best Snidely Whiplash and sneered at the crowd. “I don’t care what others do. Humans make their own rules.”

The Tribes alien made a grunting noise. “Why would you accept responsibility for the Ugly One?”

“You are a bitch.” Max mentally labeled this one Alexis Carrington, although part of that was the floppy hat. That was an eighties fashion statement if Max had ever seen one. “You had to go there, didn't you?”

“I state the obvious.”

“Well then, here is an obvious fact for you. If I chop off an arm, you too will be asymmetrical. Asymmetrical is not a choice. And calling someone ugly because of a physical trait they cannot control shows how shallow and ideologically disgusting you are.”

“Max Father.” Xander touched Max’s gun hand. “Do not anger buyers. Not for me.”

Max smiled at his son. “If they insult you, they insult me.” He turned his attention back to the room. Everyone watched him, and Max could practically read the thought bubbles over their heads. They were considering the possibility that they had completely misunderstood humans. Good.

“You should avoid certain emotional issues that could cause me to become upset,” Max warned. “Children are one.”

A Pajekh said, “Then we shall not discuss children of any state of ugliness.”

“That would probably work out well for you since I imagine your children are exceptionally ugly,” Max said. A pith helmet would not be stylish on any child.

“Max Father,” Xander said in a horrified voice.

Apparently Max was doing a good job of upholding the Davis family tradition of humiliating children in public. Max's own father would’ve been proud to know that the torch had been passed, and Max was shouldering his responsibilities well.

“Are we done insulting each other? Can we get on with business, or does this ritual need to continue longer for you?” Max asked the room in general.

The Carrington alien answered. “I require clarification on the ritual you reference.” Now that Max had named her Alexis Carrington, he was having a hard time thinking of the alien as anything other than a “she” even though he had no idea how the species understood sex or gender.

“I'm referencing this metaphorical pissing contest we're having. People on Earth quite often do this when they don't know each other, particularly when they believe they are in competition with one another. They push and threaten. They brag about their accomplishments, such as killing a whole group of Hunters while defending my ship and family, you know that sort of thing.”

“Do you believe we would engage in Earth ceremony?” Carrington asked with unvarnished confusion. She was at least eight feet tall, so she peered down at him, her neck gill things flapping. The only other Tribes alien Max had seen had been his social worker, Heetayu, and that one had been even taller. Max was grateful there weren’t more Tribes aliens around because it made him intensely uncomfortable to stand near an alien who was so much larger. However, he wasn’t going to back down, especially not to someone wearing a yellow and fuchsia floppy hat.

“Sentient life comes with a territorial imperative and a need to defend what is theirs. Am I wrong?”

Carrington looked around at the gathered aliens as though expecting backup. The others watched her without offering a single word of support. She turned back to Max. “You adequately describe basic universal psychology. But