Earth Fathers Are Weird (Earth Fathers #1) - Lyn Gala Page 0,76

blasted the air with whale song, and James’s head appeared out from behind a large pipe.

“Reduce the volume.” Max stripped off his shirt. Maybe the fabricators in the upper level would be able to turn out a shirt that fit. Max could always ask James to help. He was good with computers, although making shirts wouldn’t keep his interest for long.

“Many sorries for soft, symmetrical human ears,” Rick said as he waded into the pool and reached for Xander.

“Asshole,” Max grumbled.

“Asshole!” Kohei repeated in a far louder voice.

“Don’t say that.” Max pulled his pants off so he could swim in his underwear. Rick threw Xander into the air. When Xander splashed down, he made a squealing noise and flailed his tentacles.

Kohei swam to the edge of the pool. “Max father said it.”

“Max father says things you shouldn’t.” Max stopped ankle deep in the pool. “Shit. I’ve turned into my father.” While Max was distracted with the horror of that, Rick swam up and caught his ankle. In a heartbeat, Rick pulled Max’s leg out from under him. Max fell backward and had a half second to imagine bashing his head in on the edge of the pool. Then Rick wrapped him up in tentacles so Max splashed safely down in the shallows.

“You asshole!” Max shouted. He splashed Rick with both hands, but Rick just blew bubbles and pulled him deeper into the water.

“Save Max father,” James cried, and then he flung himself into the pool and started splashing madly. The boy had the worst aim, because most of the water went straight up into the air and landed on him. However, Kohei joined the fight, and he could kick up huge amounts of water. Max turned his head to the side to protect himself from the deluge.

After releasing Max, Rick jetted toward Kohei. Abandoning his attack, Kohei fled toward the water filtration island. Rick chased. Laughing, Max watched them dart around. James got into the middle of it, but Max couldn’t tell whose side he was on. He seemed to like random splashing.

“Query. Max father leave for home soon?” Xander asked as he climbed Max’s arm to settle in on his shoulder.

“I’m not leaving at all,” Max said. “This is home.”

For a moment Xander didn’t stir a tentacle, but then he flung himself down into the water and blasted out a miniature version of his father’s whale song. The translator missed most of the message, but it did spit out “Max” “stay” and “father.”

James and Kohei stopped. After a few seconds of listening to their little brother, both swam toward Max. But instead of catching him up in a bear hug, all three offspring began singing and splashing Max violently enough that he could only shield himself as he laughed so hard that he had trouble even catching his breath, much less retaliating.

“I protect Max!” Rick announced, and then he slapped up a tidal wave that drenched everyone, including Max.

“Watch the friendly fire!” Max yelled as he used one hand to shovel water in the general direction of the boys and Rick.

Max was outgunned in this fight, but somehow, he didn’t mind. Maybe he hadn’t chosen to get dragged into space, but if he ever found that alien ship that had invaded Earth’s atmosphere, he might buy them a good bottle of whatever passed for beer in these part. Without them, Max never would have figured out where his real home was.

Epilogue

Max settled down in front of the camera and took a deep breath. Rick had offered to appear on camera as well, but as much as Max appreciated him and all his tentacley glory, he would not go over well with humans. So Max perched on the edge of the seat and tried to look calm and composed.

“This is Captain Maxwell Davis of the United States Air Force, 4th Fighter Squadron out of Hill. This message is for any authorities on Earth. Earth was not invaded. Earth is on the edge of populated space and aliens have no interest in the planet. The alien ships that violated Earth space almost a year ago were on an intergalactic car chase.

“Some sort of authority—either a civilian peacekeeping force or a military force, I’m unclear which—chased a ship of criminals called the Nish into the largely unpopulated corner of the universe where Earth sits. When my F-35 was damaged, aliens brought me into their ship to save me.

“However, they returned to their own space, either in pursuit of the Nish or because