Earth Fathers Are Weird (Earth Fathers #1) - Lyn Gala Page 0,38
reproductive system turned on that first time. You should not have to deal with me spilling genetic material.”
“Query. Would that be gross?”
Max laughed. “Yes. It was gross. And I am old enough that I should not be gross.”
“Query. Does that imply you were in pain or confused when I examined you for implantation of offspring?”
Max pulled at his hand. Rick held on for a time before letting go. Max did a backstroke to retreat from the area, but Rick followed. When Max was near the water filtration island, Rick caught his ankle. Damn aliens and their ability to hang on to umpteen things at once. Max caught the edge of the filtration island, and Rick drifted close enough to hold Xander in the currents.
Rick floated a few feet away and withdrew his tentacles. “Query. Did I harm or confuse you?”
“No,” Max answered quickly. He watched Kohei spinning closer.
“Query. Would you want reproductive entertainment again?”
“What?” Max spun around to stare at Rick with horror. “Why would you ask that?”
Rick floated and stared at Max so long that Max thought the lack of a “Query” marker in front of the question confused him, but then Rick said, “I am without context.”
“For our sex? Simple, the computer mistranslated surrogate for nanny and you did things that caused my reproductive system to turn on.” And that was the unsexiest description of tentacle sex Max could manage.
“Confirmation. You said humans enjoy sex.”
“Yes,” Max said, feeling a little like he was walking in a minefield.
“Clarify. Query. Why would you avoid sex if you enjoy it and I meet the prerequisite conditions?”
Max closed his eyes and leaned back. Lord help him. He was about to lose his mind trying to explain shit that should be repressed and forgotten. However, he wanted to avoid miscommunication. Besides, if Rick’s people found their way to Earth, he didn’t want them all offering sex based on Max’s unhelpful descriptions.
“Sometimes sex is all about the body. When I'm only thinking about how body parts fit together, it's quite easy for my reproductive system to turn on. But that sort of sex doesn’t get talked about.”
“Query. Why would entertainment involve silence?”
Max opened his eyes and tried to figure out how he was supposed to explain shame and Puritan ideals and parents and guilt, and all the garbage that went along with “easy” sex. And then there was the more complicated issue of gay sex. Without pregnancy to worry about and with the free-love sixties still driving the youth culture, a whole generation of men had rejected the idea that they should feel shame, and the lack of birth control in a population that literally didn’t have to worry about birth had contributed to the AIDS epidemic. Max had barebacked once, and the guilt had congealed into a hard, crusty edge on his conscience for months. And that was still better than some of the guys who insisted AIDS wasn’t any big deal. They barebacked and never got tested and pretended the seventies and eighties never happened.
How could Max translate any of that into terms that would make sense for an alien? “Answer. I don’t know,” Max said. He expected Rick to demand answers, but he floated next to Max with his tentacles hovering around Max. They were silent for a long time, and Kohei swam toward his brother who was, once again, experimenting with walking in the shallowest part of the pool.
“However, sometimes sex involves how bodies fit together and the emotions that people feel for one another. That sex becomes complicated, and turning on the reproductive system too quickly can be a problem.” At least it had always been one for Max. His relationships fell into two categories—short, hot, and likely to die faster than an advent candle, or long, messy, and emotionally damaging. “Emotions are harder than allowing the body parts to line up.”
“Query. Does that imply you feel emotions?”
Now the universe was mocking Max. “Yes.”
“Query. Positive emotions or negative ones?”
Max sighed. If he were honest, he would say both. He liked that Rick listened and that he explained and he wanted to know about Max. He appreciated the care he used around Max. He respected Rick as a father and felt sympathy for the way he’d suffered. But he also had a big dose of fear that he was getting too involved and that Rick didn’t understand how much he was asking of Max. He was fucking terrified that he relied on Rick too much, and he had no idea