Earth Fathers Are Weird (Earth Fathers #1) - Lyn Gala Page 0,35
come up with some explorer’s or adventurer's name for Offspring Two. He knew there were plenty. Some human had been the first to get the bright idea to go to the North Pole or South Pole. Those would've been great names, only Max was far better with television characters than historical figures. So for now, the kid would stay Offspring Two.
“I bet I'm breaking about a million taboos by giving you nicknames,” Max told Xander. The warmth of Xander’s body against his palm was a comfort. “Before going overseas on my first assignment, we got this whole lecture about cultural sensitivity. They told us how some people would never encounter an American other than members of the service, so we had to become ambassadors of a sort.” Max snorted. That had stressed him more than live weapons training.
“That’s a lot of pressure for twenty-four-year-old kid. I signed up to fly airplanes not to be an ambassador. And then they told us how it was even more important for officers to be culturally sensitive. They explained that whatever we did, the enlisted would take it as a signal they could do something three times worse. So if we were to do something heinous, they would do something worse, and it would be our fault.” Maybe Max was bored or maybe he liked having an audience who couldn’t understand him, but he found hanging out with the kids cathartic.
“That was a lot of pressure, and I was glad I didn't get stationed somewhere isolated enough that my lack of cultural sensitivity would lead to some international incident. I'm pretty sure my officers were nervous about me being gay, because there are parts of the world where gay does not go over well. However, my point is that if my training officers saw me doing such a culturally inappropriate thing as naming somebody else's children,” and at this, Max brought Xander close to the surface of the water and made puffy faces at him, “they would probably go back in time and flunk me. Funny thing though, I'm not entirely sure I'm going home. Ever. So I think I need to stop living my life like I will be. I’ll stick around and name you, if you don’t mind.”
Max lowered himself until his mouth was underwater then blew bubbles at Xander. Several of Xander’s tentacles waved, and then Xander pushed off from Max’s hand and swam madly for Max’s face. His stubby tentacles caught at Max’s lips, and Max blew more bubbles. Xander’s tentacles danced across Max’s cheeks and up into his nose.
Max snorted and caught Xander in his hand. “Okay. No snotty tentacles for you, sir.”
Xander wrapped his tentacles around Max’s thumb and pressed his belly to Max’s palm. In that short swim, he had already cooled significantly. “If your father told me that he was upset with me for giving you names, I would stop,” Max said. “Of course I named your father after a belching cartoon character and he doesn't seem to mind. You have a pretty laid-back father, but he was still awfully worried about you.”
Kohei swam up and caught Max by his left wrist. “What's the matter? Are you tired?” Max waved his arms as if he were jogging in slow motion. Kohei’s grasp was viselike, especially when Max compared it to Xander’s light grip.
“You're welcome to hitch a ride for a while,” Max told Kohei. It wasn’t like he was going anywhere, not with Xander needing him. “You get so crazy with your gymnastics that I'm hardly surprised you wore yourself out. You have to learn to pace yourself.”
The doors opened, and Rick came in with his hat back in place. He looked better than he had. Considering he had been on the verge of exhaustion, it didn't require much to look better than half-dead. “Query. Did you manage to get some sleep?” Max asked.
Rick slid toward the pool. “I slept two-point-three-seven hours.”
That was not helpful. “Query. What is considered a normal amount of sleep for your species?”
“Five-point-two hours.”
So he hadn’t slept long enough, but Max couldn’t blame him. “Well at least you got some sleep. But both of us need to pace ourselves so that we don't get too tired. The kids need us both rested and fed. Query. Did you get some food?”
“Not yet. I shall.” Rick came into the water until it was halfway up his walking tentacle. Max lifted his hand so that Rick could see Xander still cradled in his palm. “The