Earth Fathers Are Weird (Earth Fathers #1) - Lyn Gala Page 0,15
guess what. I’m caught between humiliation and guilt. You know, I’ve jerked off a couple of times thinking about your tentacles, and considering you’re my boss, that’s in the not-good column. I turned a medical exam into a sexual situation when you don’t even understand what happened. I’d confess what a shitty human being I am, only I don’t think the translation matrix is up to conveying feelings yet. If it were, you probably would have shared your thoughts. Hopefully you’re confused and not grossed out by the human spunk you got on your tentacles.”
Max turned in the water and swam away. He saw Rick swimming for the edge, his head held up while all his tentacles did the spread and swoosh thing Max had seen in videos of octopuses. He climbed out and headed for the door, and Max switched over to floating. The current dragged him closer to a tiny island with a miniature waterfall. When he drifted close enough, he put his hand out and let warmer water run over his palm.
Rick didn’t even let the door close before he returned. He swam closer and raised his tentacle with Max’s translator held firmly in his finger tentacles and water running off it.
Max sighed. “I seriously hope that’s waterproof.” He fastened it around his wrist.
“Query. Human swim, human walk, preference.”
Either the translator was improving or Max was getting better at filling in the words Rick didn’t use. “Preference walk. Swimming is enjoyment.”
Rick gave another whale blast and Max was grateful the water dulled the noise. Rick then added. “Query. Correlation swim and run.”
Max laughed. When he’d started running the outer corridors, that had upset Rick to no end. It had taken Max almost an hour to pry all Rick’s tentacles off him and explain that humans were healthier and happier if they ran. Rick pretended to understand, but every time Max ran, Rick would show up. Unless Max missed his guess, Rick considered him slightly brain damaged. At least Rick supported his swimming.
“Answer. High correlation swim and run. I enjoy both.” Max gasped when tentacles gently brushed his leg. Rick made self-control difficult. Max swam backward to get a little more distance between them.
“Humans are...” Rick ended with a belching sound. Max was pretty sure he didn’t want to know what Rick was saying. He gave another set of blasts, this time a mixture of burps and whale song. The translator only sent through “children” and “healthy.”
“That’s good. Query. Can I see them?” Max swam farther away, but Rick followed. Another brush of tentacle against ankle made Max think such dirty, dirty thoughts. He was lucky the water was cold as a bitch or his cock would’ve been impossible to control.
“Not visible. See at time to come.”
“As paranoid fathers go, you’re good. You’re good. If you have a daughter, I suspect a shotgun will feature in her future dating life.”
“Translation matrix—”
“Failure. Yeah. Shocking.” Life hated Max. But if the only way to improve communication was to go back to the damn matrix improvement project, he would have to suck it up. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do until Rick decided to go pick up his kids.
Chapter Six
Max floated in the salty pool water and stared at the ceiling. Long curving ribs and a web-work of support cables filled the dome. All the other rooms in the ship were featureless. Bunks, sinks, cabinets, wiring, and structure were all hidden behind padded doors. While practical, it made for boring rooms, even compared to the military bases where Max had been stationed. On the practical side, it would make the ship far safer if they ever lost artificial gravity.
When Max bumped into the water filtration island, he turned and swam slowly toward Rick. He floated with all his arm tentacles spread out like a starfish with his big head bobbing in the middle.
“Why have most of the ships I visited so far had the same gravity?” Max asked. He got the feeling that Rick wanted to talk. Max worked on the translation matrix by himself for hours every day, but the second he started to run laps through the outer corridors, Rick would show up. At first Max assumed Rick was confused. Actually, he still thought Rick was confused. Rick had a habit of watching with the same expression Max had when watching reruns of Twin Peaks out of order. In both cases, they knew something important was going on, but it wasn't clear what.