Early Riser_ The new standalone - Jasper Fforde Page 0,117
were colour, taste and consistency, with warmth the only redeeming feature. True to Aurora’s demand, it was a double portion, which given the low quality of the food was not quite as good a deal as I’d hoped. But my mind, as usual, was on other matters. I reread the piece of paper Zsazsa had given me.
We know of a remote farm in Lincolnshire where Mrs Buckley lives.
This was, I realised, the first piece of true evidence that there was a viral dream. But quite why it was featuring a line of dialogue from a decades-old sound test, I had no idea. I was still as much in the dark now as I was when I arrived – in fact, I was probably more confused.
‘Hey,’ came a voice close behind.
Jonesy
* * *
‘… The temperature during a Welsh Winter fluctuated between a few degrees above zero and polar snaps that could freeze the mercury in the thermometers. The lowest temperature recorded in Wales was at Llandudno in 1976 – a marrow-freezing minus 78C …’
– Handbook of Winterology, 4th edition, Hodder & Stoughton
Jonesy sat down opposite and sniffed the coffee pot gingerly.
‘By St Etienne,’ she said, pulling a face, ‘what they say about the Siddons coffee is true. Kip well?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘on the whole, yes, I think so.’
‘Good. What’s that you’re eating?’
‘It’s an indeterminate foodstuff masquerading as scrambled egg.’
Jonesy picked up a spoon and prodded the grey mass gingerly. It wobbled as though irritated by the intrusion. She pulled a face, but helped herself to a spoonful anyway.
‘I bumped into Aurora on the way over,’ she murmured.
‘Oh dear,’ I said.
‘Are you insane?’ she said. ‘Truly, I mean, out-of-your-head insane? Toccata’s going to have your tongue out.’
‘We didn’t,’ I said.
‘Then why did she tell me you did?’
‘She’s using it to annoy the Chief.’
Jonesy stared at me for a while, unsure if I was telling the truth or not.
‘Let’s get to work,’ she said finally, ‘and look, I don’t care one way or the other if the big A is using you to scratch an itch, but think very carefully of actions, Wonky. They have a dismaying tendency to be followed by consequences, and sometimes quite bad ones.’
I followed her out of the Winterlounge and, once booted and suited, we stepped outside and walked to her Sno-Trac. The temperature had fallen since the previous evening and the air was as crisp as a wafer. There was barely a breath of wind, the sky was a deep azure and ice crystals on the snow glistened like diamonds in the sunshine.
‘I thought there was a storm coming in,’ I said.
‘There is. Six hours from now you won’t be able to see your hand in front of your face.’
I started the Sno-Trac and drove off in the direction of the Consulate.
‘We’ve got a problem,’ said Jonesy. ‘How many people did you tell about Lucky Ned?’
My heart sank.
‘I might have … mentioned something to Lloyd.’
‘Here’s some advice: if you’ve got a secret that you want everyone to know about, confide in a porter. There are just over seventy porters in the sector looking after nearly two hundred Dormitoria, who are now so familiar with Bonanza, Dynasty and Crossroads that they act them out in their spare time for fun. When they’re not doing that, they’re on the Open Network, gossiping, and last night you were the hot topic. Half think that you’re an idiot to kill Ned, as retribution will surely rain upon all our heads, a little under half think that you did the right thing but were out of your tiny stupid mind, and of the remainder, three people couldn’t give a toss so long as Gaer Brills comes last in The Great Albion Sleep Off – and one was convinced that the Gronk has returned to feed on the shame of the unworthy.’
‘Was the last one Jim Treacle?’
‘Good try. No. It was Laura. How can one Novice get into so much trouble so quickly? When I began in the mobile infantry nothing exciting happened to me for weeks.’
‘Then what?’
‘I lost sixty soldiers under my command.’
‘Your fault?’ I asked.
‘No, but they were all my responsibility, so it amounts to the same thing.’
She fell silent and wiped off some condensation that had formed on the interior of her window.
‘Aurora was asking me where Glitzy Tiara and Eddie Tangiers ended up,’ I said. ‘She said she checked the night pit and they weren’t there.’