rub his shoulder in comfort. “Maybe Rhian will change her mind.”
“I thought she was over her bullshit,” he continued like I hadn’t spoken, “It’s all because of her parents, you know that right?”
“Kind of. Not really. We don’t talk about that stuff.”
He eyed me with something akin to disbelief. “You two are supposed to be best friends, but sometimes I think you do each other more damage than good.”
“James-”
“Rhian’s mum loved Rhian’s dad. Her dad was an emotionally-stunted, alcoholic prick, but that bitch loved him more than she loved Rhian. He beat the shit out of Rhian and her mum all the time. And Rhian’s mum kept going back to him. Eventually, he took off, filed for divorce, met someone else. Rhian’s mum blamed her. Said she was a fuck-up and that she’d end up just like her dad. For years she’s told Rhian she was just like her dad, a disaster waiting to happen. And Rhian believes it.
You know her mum attempted suicide twice? Selfish cow left Rhian to find her like that. Twice. And now Rhian thinks she’s going to do to me what her dad did to her mum. I can’t rationalize with her. She doesn’t even bloody drink. It’s all in her head! And I thought we were passed it, Joss. When things got serious ages ago we went through all this and thought we’d beat it. That’s why I proposed.” He ducked his head in an effort to hide the tears shining in his eyes. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He kicked the coffee table in frustration and I barely even blinked.
My mind was off with Rhian. How could I have been her best friend for four years and not know any of this? This was way more messed up than I could have guessed. Of course, Rhian didn’t know anything about my past either. I suddenly wondered if James was right. How could we possibly give each other advice when we didn’t know the first thing about each other’s demons?
Then it occurred to me, looking at James, crying over the woman he loved, that Rhian was far less messed up than I was. She had told James everything because she’d trusted him with her issues, and she’d dealt through them with him. Or she almost had.
Still, that was a huge step in the right direction.
“Joss,” James was pleading with me now, “Talk to her, please. She listens to you. She thinks if you’re happy being alone, then she’ll be fine too.”
Happy? I wasn’t happy. I was just safe.
I sighed heavily, not sure what to do. “Look, you can crash here for however long you need.”
James looked at me a moment too long, his expression unreadable. Finally he just nodded. “I’d appreciate it if I could crash on your couch tonight. Tomorrow, I’m heading home to mum’s. Until I can get sorted out.”
“Okay.”
We didn’t say anything else after that as I found a blanket in the closet and left it on the couch, along with one of my pillows. I could feel James’ disappointment in me every time I stepped near him, so I left him in the sitting room and closed myself in my room.
I called Ellie.
“Hey, are you alright?” she asked, the sound of music and noise in the background fading, as she wandered through whatever bar she was in and out into a marginally quieter street.
No. I’m not fine. I’m pretty far from fine. “Yeah, I’m okay. I hope you don’t mind, but I told James that he could crash on the couch for the night. He’s heading home tomorrow.”
“Sure th- what?” her mouth pulled away from her phone as she spoke to someone else. “She’s fine. He’s sleeping on the couch.”
Was that Braden?
“No, I said it’s fine. Braden, she’s fine. Go away.” Her sigh became louder as she turned back into her phone. “Sorry, Joss. Yeah, that’s fine. Do you need me to come home?”
Do you need me to come home?
Was I home? Did I need her?
I barely knew her. But like Braden, Ellie had crawled inside somehow. Exhausted by what had turned into an exceptionally emotional day, I shook my head. “No, Ellie, I’m really okay. Stay. Have fun. Just remember there’s a strange guy sleeping on your couch when you come home.”
“Okay.”
Reluctantly, she hung up and I was left staring at the wall. I was reeling. Why did I feel so off-balance? So out of control? So scared?
Why had moving to Dublin Street changed so much in