“In this family?” said the Serjeant. “If we could only harness the speed of gossip inside Drood Hall, we’d have a faster-than-light stardrive overnight.”
“Were you and the Matriarch listening in during my talk with the Armourer?” I said.
“Of course not. The Armourer would never stand for it. He can be very old-fashioned about some things—and it’s never wise to upset someone who has a whole Armoury of weapons at his fingertips.”
“Would he even know?” I said. “If it was Ethel doing the listening in?”
“He’d know,” said the Serjeant. “Even in his current . . . somewhat distracted state.”
“You’re right,” I said. “He would know.”
“Why did he give you the Bentley?” said the Serjeant; not even trying to make it sound like a casual question.
“I don’t know,” I said, quite honestly.
The Serjeant actually smiled, just for a moment. “She really is an amazing car . . .”
“All the very best hidden extras,” I said, “for the agent out in the field who doesn’t want to be stopped by anyone or anything. Bulletproof chassis; machine guns fore and aft, firing explosive fléchettes at two thousand rounds a minute—”
“EMP-proof,” said the Serjeant, cutting in. “Spell-proof, curse-proof, and impervious to all known forms of unnatural attack. Back when I was just a boy, I used to love paging through the operating manual when it was put out on display in the Library. Damn thing was the size of a phone book . . .”
“A lot of us kids did that,” I said.
“And we all dreamed of being field agents,” said the Serjeant. “Doing great and glorious things in the service of the family. Going out into the world, and being wild and free and glamorous, like the Grey Fox.” He stopped, and looked at me. “You do know the cigarette lighter button actually fires the hidden flame-throwers?”
“Yes,” I said. “And I know about the Overdrive, that can send you sideways through Space, taking short cuts through adjoining dimensions. I tested the Bentley out quite thoroughly the last time I drove her.”
“No wonder she came back in such a mess,” said the Serjeant. He looked at me suddenly and sharply. “You gave the Armourer the Merlin Glass, didn’t you? That’s why he’s given you the car!”
“Uncle Jack can be very thoughtful,” I said.
“I should have known . . . Why did you give him the Merlin Glass when the last time you were home, you were so determined not to return it to the family?”
“You might think the Armourer has the Glass,” I said, “but I couldn’t possibly comment. You could ask the Armourer if he has the Merlin Glass. Go on; ask him. See how far it gets you.”
“This family . . . ,” said the Serjeant. “It’s a wonder to me we’re all still talking to each other.”
“So,” I said, “do you still dream of being a field agent, Cedric? Rushing around the world being dangerous and glamorous? Like me?”
“We all have dreams when we’re children,” he said steadily. “Most of us grow up, and grow out of them. I am perfectly content being Serjeant-at-Arms. I get to protect the whole family from outside and inside threats. But I would still love to drive the Bentley, someday.”
And I surprised myself then, by looking at him and nodding slowly. “You know, you could come with me for a ride, Cedric. If you like. We could take her out for a little spin, open her up and see what the old girl can do. I’ve got some time before I have to go off and save the world. Again.”
He looked at me, and smiled again, briefly. “Thank you, Eddie, but I have to say no. I am tempted, but I have my duties to perform. Protecting the family.”
“That’s not what I’d call it,” I said. “You enforce family discipline, and that should not be taken as any kind of compliment. It’s your job to stamp out dissent inside the Hall and put a stop to any emerging signs of independence in the young. You’re just as much a thug and a bully as your predecessor.”
“Thank you,” said the Serjeant. “I do try.”
“Come on, Cedric, admit it! Really you think you should be the one running this family, because only you know what’s best for it! You’d kill to be Patriarch!”
“No,” he said. “I’ve never wanted that. I know my limitations. I have no ambitions beyond keeping the family safe.”
“But what if I gave you the contents of the black box?”