one more time before they laid down to sleep. It took Ethan more than an hour to still his mind. Kat had eventually relaxed and taken a place near the fire – though her dagger remained in her hand, even as she slept.
Some instinct woke Ethan about an hour before sunrise. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he saw the shadowy figure of Markus sitting on a felled tree a few yards away. He was hunched over with his arms draped across his knees, staring into the dwindling fire.
Ethan rose and took a tentative step forward. Markus glanced up and made room beside him. Unsure what to say, Ethan simply sat down and folded his hands.
“When you spoke to Jeb the other night,” Markus began, “He told you that I was a bounty hunter and assassin for the Empire.”
Ethan nodded. He had suspected that Markus was listening at the time, and now tried to recall the exact words of the conversation. “He said you weren’t well liked, even among the Hareesh.”
“He’s right. And for good reason.” His friend’s voice was distant and filled with pain. “My anger toward you isn’t really about my ending up in Lumnia. Or even the hardships I was forced to endure here. Hell, the Krauts were about to get us anyway, so the bloody portal probably saved my life. ”
He sat up and held out his hands. “You have no idea what I have done with these. Do you know why they call me Specter?”
At first Ethan thought the question was rhetorical, but soon realized that Markus was waiting for a response. “I assumed it was because you’re good at hiding…or something like that.”
“It’s because I have no soul. Or at least, that’s what they say about me.”
“That’s ridiculous. Why would anyone say that?”
“I’ve done things…terrible things. Things I never thought I was capable of.”
“Like what?”
Markus closed his fingers to make fists, clenching them tight. “These hands…sometimes I wish I could just chop them off. Maybe then I could be forgiven.”
Ethan touched him on the shoulder. “Whatever you’ve done, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”
He let out a disdainful laugh. “Really? I’ve killed people. Hundreds of them. And not just men. I’ve killed women…and…”
He swallowed hard. “And children. I’ve tortured entire families until they begged for death. I’ve skinned men alive while their enemies drank and laughed at their pain. I’ve done things that would make even the Nazi’s sick to their stomachs.”
Ethan was unsure how to react. “Why?” was all he could think to ask.
“To survive. At least, that’s what I tell myself. The first time was hard. I didn’t think I could live with myself afterward. I was hired by a merchant to kill his rival’s young son. I had just joined the Hareesh and was trying to make a name for myself. No one else would take the job, so I did.”
He looked up at Ethan, tears welling in his eyes. “He was only nine years old.”
Markus wiped his face and shook his head. “I can barely remember doing it. All I see clearly is the frightened look on his poor little face.” He paused to clear his throat. “After that, the Hareesh feared me. And the sad thing is, I liked it that way. I enjoyed how they would step aside when I walked by. It was the first time since I got here that I didn’t feel powerless. From then on, I was the one who took the jobs the others didn’t have the stomach for. And that’s why they call me Specter.”
After he finished, a lengthy silence developed. Eventually, Ethan said: “I’m so sorry that all this happened to you. But in spite of what you might think, you do have a soul. Whatever you’ve done, it doesn’t matter anymore. Not to me. You’re not Specter. You’re Markus.”
“You’re wrong,” he said. “I’m not Markus. I haven’t been Markus for a long time. But I’d like to be him again. When I first saw you in Miltino it reminded me of who I was before I became a murderer. And it was that, more than anything that made me so angry. Not because I’m here, but because I’m Specter.”
Ethan got to his feet and held out his hand. “Then let me help you find yourself again.”
Slowly Markus cracked a twisted smile and chuckled softly. “A boy scout ‘til the end.”
He took Ethan’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled up. “Jonas was right. Better to die trying.