Dragon's Isolation - Miranda Martin Page 0,27

lived on the ship, and this is only a section of it.

Did other sections survive the crash? Are there other survivors out there?

It could be. Annabel and her group are a perfect example of it. We’ve been so busy surviving, trying to make a home for ourselves and adjust to our new lives, I haven’t given the idea much thought. Rosalind probably has though. It’s the kind of thing Rosalind thinks about.

“That is our goal?” Shidan asks.

My heart skips a beat. He doesn’t know.

“Yes,” I say, touching his cheek.

His eyes dart down, and I see clearly, he has no recollection of the ship. Behind my eyelids, tears threaten, but I hold them at bay. The extreme heat helps. Even with epis and regularly sipping the water, I’m on the edge of dehydration. Yay for that.

He nods and runs faster, then leaps. The warm breeze blasts away the last threat of tears as we glide. I close my eyes to protect them from the bits of grit in the wind, turning my face into his chest. He won’t be able to miss the landmark of the wreck, so I’ll let him get us there.

It frees me to let my mind wander through the past. After we crashed, I hated the way Shidan followed me. Every time I’d turn around, there he was. I swear I bumped into him more times than I can count. He was like a ninja, appearing out of nowhere at the most unexpected and often the most inopportune moments.

I was a bitch. Let’s be honest about it. I treated him like shit, and the fact that he saw through all my issues and still was able to love me is a testament to the man he is. Now… now I’m scared I’m going to lose him.

What if he forgets me? Forgets our son? How do I bring him back to us? Can I?

I tighten my grip around his neck and desperately struggle not to bawl. The idea of it is overwhelming. I can’t even begin to handle him not being here, not being him. The way he plays with Malcolm.

It reminds me when I found out I was pregnant. I handled it the same way I handle most things. Lashing out at all the wrong targets. Wow, have I not gotten any better over the years? Shidan though, his excitement was a fountain of overwhelming joy. I couldn’t stay angry around him. Probably because I wasn’t angry. I was scared. I’d seen what Calista and Jolie had to go through to have their kids. It was terrifying. Fear. I don’t know how to deal with fear.

When I was a space jockey flying fighter ships, fear didn’t exist. I had this simplistic view of the world that kept it at bay. I knew, back then, I was going to die young. I wasn’t living for a future, I was living for the moment.

All that mattered was that I was the best. If I couldn’t be the best, if I couldn’t prove I belonged in the old boys’ club, then I’d rather have been dead. I would die pushing the limits of what could be done, but I’d have done it.

I was an idiot.

Now I know what’s important, and it’s not about me. It’s about him. About Malcolm. It’s really about the future world Shidan and I are creating with our friends for our kids. It’s still about what we do, but dying young would be pointless, wouldn’t it? There’s so much to do.

I’ve barely kept enough power working in the City to run the dome. I’ve accomplished nothing on getting any form of reliable power to the apartments. We only recently got fresh water that is drinkable, but it’s only in one location, and everyone has to go there to take some.

It’s not enough. My dreams are so much bigger. I want to create a world that when Shidan and I do die, hopefully in each other’s arms, we can be proud of what we leave for Malcolm.

I want to see Malcolm grow up, become a man, find a mate of his own. Give his heart to another. I want grandchildren! I want everything that any mother wants. And I want Shidan by my side for all of it. Doing this alone? That’s a darkness I don’t think I can make my way through. It makes my insides cold and freezes my thoughts. I shy away from it.

That is what I’m afraid of, losing him. Losing what we