"I'm just going to step out into the locker room for a couple of minutes to make a private call," he said. "I'll be right back."
He left the office, and Felina spent the next few minutes naming every monster in the circus and asking Marvin if he could shrink it to the point where she could play with it a bit before killing and eating it.
"Okay," said Mallory, reentering the office. "I've spoken to our clients, and I've come up with a solution that's acceptable to them—and, I think, to all parties involved."
"What is it?" asked Marvin and Winnifred in unison. Felina, who wanted to ask about still more animals, turned her back and stared intently at a wall.
"They both agree that they're a little long in the tooth to retrain. They like doing nothing but being short and tall—and being irresistable to women, of course."
"But I can't put them back the way they were," said Marvin. "I've already explained that."
"You can do the next best thing," said Mallory.
"I don't follow you."
"You said you can stop the spell, you just can't reverse it, right?"
"That's right."
"Then let Macro keep shrinking until he's nineteen inches tall, and stop him there. And let Micro keep growing until he's ten feet."
"They don't mind?" asked Marvin, surprised.
"They'll still be the world's tallest giant and smallest midget, and they'll still have more girlfriends than they know what to do with."
"Oh, they knew what to do with them," said Marvin. "That's why the women tried to pay me to reverse the spells." Suddenly his eyes widened. "I could accept their fee now, couldn't I? I mean, they wanted a big one and a little one, and that's what they're going to get." He turned to Mallory. "Of course, I'd slip you ten percent for keeping your mouth shut. And ten percent for the fa—for the lovely lady with the gun. Maybe I'll even shrink a three-headed dragon down for your cat."
"It's not necessary," said Mallory. "We're getting paid enough by our clients."
"And we don't think much of your business practices," added Winnifred harshly.
"I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly," said Marvin.
He hit the floor a fraction of a second before the bullet passed through the spot where he'd been and tore into the wall behind him.
Felina refused to speak to Mallory all the way home, and announced her intention of never saying another word to him until he went back and let Marvin shrink a dragon for her. Her resolve lasted almost half an hour, when she decided to forgive him and let him skritch between her shoulder blades.
Micro and Macro returned to the circus the next morning. Just before dinnertime a week later there was a knock at the office door. Mallory opened it and stepped aside as a uniformed delivery man brought in seventy-three long-stemmed roses, each with a scented thank-you note.
Winnifred decided to burn the notes before Mallory could answer them. Especially the one with the faint odor of a centaur still on it.
Dead Wolf in a Hat
Graham Edwards
The man in the hat burst through my office door, closely followed by the bullet that killed him.
Don't you just hate that?
Me, I kept my feet up on the desk. Sometimes it just doesn't do to move too fast. All the same, even before the big guy hit the floor I was reaching for the desk holster. I didn't release it though, not yet. I just held my finger over the lever and stared out the open door into the rain.
It's hard to see much through the rain. Of course, it's always raining here, which is why I never use the door. There's more than one way in and out of this office. It's ten years now since I took over the business and I've already found eighty-nine exits. I figure that's around half. I use whichever one suits the case. The door I leave to the clients.
So there I was, feet on top of the desk, fingers itching underneath it, with rain lashing in and a man with a hat on, breathing his last on the floor. I kept one eye on the rain and flicked the other towards my visitor.
"You all right, buddy?" I said.
What came out of the guy's mouth was muffled, on account of his face being buried in the carpet. But I did catch two words: ". . . hilfe . . ." and ". . . knock . . ."