who spike your drinks. What’s next? You slip a little coke to get through your next shift?”
I roll my eyes.
“Honestly, how long until they slipped some coke into your drink and talked you into one night in the Escape Lounge, and then another, and then another, and before you know it, you’re a full on, high class hooker?”
“It was never getting to that.”
“Every working girl says that in the beginning.”
“I did two lap dances, Cameron, and they were both for you.”
His hard eyes hold mine. “How did they get you into the lap dance uniform in the first place, before I even got there, Ashley?”
I frown harder.
“They convinced you it was a good idea. Just wear this for this shift and it will be fine. It’s how these clubs operate. They push you a little at a time. Without realizing it, your boundaries are being pushed further and further out, and because your co-worker friends are all doing it, it becomes the new norm.”
My stomach drops. He’s right, they did push my boundaries and I hadn’t even realized it. I swore I would never do half the things they got me to do.
“You go there, Cameron. You go there for the women. Do you know how it feels to be judged by you when you were going there for sex?”
He shakes his head and cups my face. “I cancelled my membership before the court case. I knew what a hypocrite I was being, but I had to do what I did to protect Owen.” He leans in and kisses my lips softly. “And I know you don’t see it like this, but I thought I was protecting you, too,” he whispers as his eyes search mine.
I stare at him through tears as a clusterfuck of emotions roll around in my messed up head.
“I didn’t take Owen, Ash. I admit that I was going to let him stay with me for a week, just to teach you a lesson. To teach you that there is more than yourself to consider.”
I frown.
“But I couldn’t do it...” he whispers.
My eyes hold his.
“I need you to forgive me and I fucking need you in my life,” he breathes. “I want you back.”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I haven’t been with anyone since you, Ash. I can’t stand the thought of being with another woman.”
My eyes search his. Oh God, I so want to believe him.
“How could I be with another woman when I left my heart with you?”
I close my eyes, and just like that he has broken down all my defences.
“Cameron,” I whisper.
He pulls my head to his and kisses my forehead.
“I just want a chance to make this right. I fucked up by not being there for you both when Owen was born. I know you’ve had it tough, Bloss. I know you resent me for not being around. And hell, you’ve done an amazing job with him on your own. He’s perfect.”
I can hardly see him through my tears, and I swallow down the painful lump in my throat.
“But, I’m the one who resents myself for every single day I missed out on Owen. I can’t get that time back no matter what I do.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“And maybe that’s the reason I went batshit crazy, lost my mind and took it all the way to court.” He shrugs. “Maybe I resented the power that you had over my son. Maybe I resented the fact that I had absolutely no say in anything in his life thus far.”
God, what a mess.
“Cam.” I pause as I try to articulate my thoughts. “I can’t just jump back into a relationship with you.” I shake my head.
“I don’t want you to.”
My eyes search his. “Then what do you want?”
“I want you to forgive me. I want to be able to look you in the eye and not see you drag your eyes away from mine in disgust. I want us to start again fresh.”
I drop my head as his proposal runs through my mind.
He leans in and kisses my cheek, lifting my chin with his finger so that our eyes meet.
“I can’t promise you anything,” I whisper as my eyes search his.
“Just your forgiveness is enough, and at the end of it all, if we have nothing but friendship, that’ll be okay because at least we tried. I just can’t stand you hating me.”
He squeezes his hand in mine and his eyes glow softly. All I can do is nod