Don't Overthink It - Anne Bogel Page 0,9

need to find the “right” answer before moving forward

All-or-nothing thinking

Struggles with completing a project because there’s always more we could do

A critical eye that homes in on imperfections

Replaying what we wished we’d said in our mind following a conversation

Frequently second-guessing past decisions

Many are shocked to discover that perfectionism and overthinking go hand in hand; it’s a villain we recognize, in a role we don’t expect. But once we understand the connection, we can see how perfectionistic tendencies fuel overthinking. When we face a decision, the impossibly high standards demanded by perfectionism are just that—impossible. Whether we’re analyzing an imminent decision to death or we’re stuck in the past, regretting what we chose, we always want to get the decision right. But if we equate right with perfect, it is deadly—because when we aim for perfection, we freeze. When perfectionism reigns, if we can’t tell what the absolute, unquestionable best option is in a given situation, we do nothing—except fret about it. Hello, analysis paralysis.

The perils of overthinking before we make a decision are obvious: we end up like seven-year-old Will, unable to stay and unable to go. But overthinking isn’t confined to happening before our decisions. Perfectionism-driven overthinking often dwells in the space of what-ifs and second-guessing. The moment of decision may have passed, but we can still remain fixated on the decision, analyzing what we should have done.

How many of us have tortured ourselves with visions of what we wish we had said or done in the moment? Even if we handled the situation well, we may focus on the one thing we wish we’d done differently. Though the decision has long been made, we can’t put it behind us. Instead of weighing our options, making a decision, and moving on, we keep going back to the beginning of the decision-making process, wondering if we made the right choice and if it’s too late to make a different one.

All this second-guessing takes a tremendous amount of time and energy, adds considerably to our stress loads, and limits our capacity to make wise decisions in the future.

Antidotes to Analysis Paralysis

Obviously, if it were easy to stop overthinking, we all would have stopped a long time ago. We need actionable strategies to help us overcome analysis paralysis.

Do a Reality Check

We get in trouble when we act as though the ideal answers to our questions are out there somewhere. We may believe that when we finally discover the right answer, it will seem obvious. But the right answer is rarely out there somewhere—and so we stew and stew, without arriving at a resolution, our overthinking manifesting as worry, doubt, and stagnation.

We can’t keep searching for perfect solutions, interesting as the pursuit may be, because perfect solutions don’t exist. There’s seldom one right answer; in reality, there are more often many good answers.

Get Moving

To extricate yourself from analysis paralysis, you don’t need more information. You need to act.

I don’t necessarily mean something big and bold—although that’s certainly called for at times. Even taking a baby step forward can shift your momentum and get you unstuck. Your options are numerous, and we’ll cover more of them in this book: take a small step, set a deadline, make a list, or consult a friend (their objectivity will help you get out of your own head). Maybe you need to just pick something or get someone else to do it for you.

“Yes,” you say, “but if I’m paralyzed, how do I act?” That’s a good question. You may need to change your frame of mind.

Kick Perfectionism to the Curb

When we were painting my living room, my dad helped me see how instead of inspiring us to do good work, perfectionism makes us unhappy and prevents us from appreciating the good things in front of us. I was actively trying to paint a razor-straight green line right where the wall met the white ceiling. My line was a bit shaky, and I commented that the paint job wasn’t turning out the way I’d hoped. He laughed and said that’s the problem with painting your own house—you’re not as happy with the result as you would be if you weren’t the one doing the painting. “If someone else did the hard work, you’d think it looked great,” he said. “But when you’re the painter, you’re acutely aware of every single place you goofed. You can do a good job and still feel like you messed it up.”

He was right. I had done a good job. But as long