Don't Overthink It - Anne Bogel Page 0,23
be tempted to keep searching for a better one—even if a better answer isn’t going to arrive. We may not like the answer because we’re feeling lazy, or it’s not perfect, or we’re worried about looking dumb. That doesn’t mean it’s not the right one. And once we have that answer, we still need to follow through.
We just discussed how needing to choose between two good options can lead to overthinking. Interestingly, facing a choice between two unpleasant options can do the same. In both cases, we need to take action in order to move forward.
Last year when I was traveling for work, I stayed at a hip boutique hotel a few notches above my usual level of accommodations. It was luxurious and spare, the kind of place that has absinthe on the room service menu, with vintage album covers on the walls and retro Victrola speakers on the bar carts.
The bed was comfortable, the pillows were soft, the blackout curtains effective. And yet when I lay down to sleep around midnight, I realized the whole room was vibrating with a deep bass beat. I couldn’t hear the music, but I could feel it.
I told myself I was too tired for it to matter; I’d fall right asleep.
But I didn’t. I tossed and turned and then tried my usual tricks: I got up and washed my face; I fluffed my pillow; I downloaded a white noise app and tried the ocean setting, then gentle rain, all to no avail.
I suspected I should call the front desk, but I didn’t want to be a whiner and I wasn’t confident they’d be able to help. I didn’t know where the music was coming from, and it wasn’t actually loud. I was in that half-awake/half-asleep state that is ripe for overthinking. I kept telling myself I’d fall asleep any minute.
I grew increasingly alarmed as the minutes ticked by, hastening the arrival of my early wake-up call. I knew what I needed to do, and I didn’t want to do it. But, finally, I picked up the phone and told the front desk everything I knew: “I’m in 610, there’s a bass beat that won’t quit, I don’t know where it’s coming from, but I won’t be able to sleep until it stops.”
The hotel worker apologized and said she’d send security to take care of it. I was skeptical they’d be able to do anything. But three minutes later, it stopped.
I couldn’t believe how quickly the fix came and was annoyed with myself for not calling hours earlier—but only for a minute, because once my room stopped vibrating, I fell right to sleep.
That ideal outcome (albeit two hours too late) led me to adopt this if-then rule for future travels: “When in doubt, call the front desk.” The benefits of asking for help far outweigh the drawbacks, even though it doesn’t always work quite this well. A few months later, I called the front desk at a different hotel after the second group of drunken strangers wandered past my room, singing loudly, after 1:00 a.m. “We’re so sorry, we have a lot of wedding parties tonight,” the manager told me on the phone. It still wasn’t easy to sleep, but I didn’t torture myself wondering if I should take action. (Besides finding my earplugs, that is.)
For a more commonplace example, my distaste for shopping sometimes gets me in trouble. I don’t enjoy shopping for clothes and avoid it as much as possible. So even if I know I need to shop, I postpone decisions about when and where to do so and what exactly to buy. But at a certain point, if I wear holes in the seat of all my jeans, I need to procure new ones. My “strategy” may work temporarily, but it also ensures I’ll spend too much attention on something I abhor.
When we put off doing something we don’t want to do, we keep the unpleasant thing right in front of us for much longer than we need to. As long as we’re contemplating the issue, we’re dwelling on the negative. If we’re dreading something, we can serve ourselves well by dealing with it sooner rather than later. If we’re overthinking something we can actually do something about, the best thing we can do is speed up to move on. Take action as soon as possible.
When You’re Tempted to Beat Yourself Up
Sometimes we slow down because while we have moved forward externally, we haven’t moved forward mentally or emotionally. It