Don't Need You - Lilian Monroe Page 0,74

to have her in my arms.

I can’t forget, though. I can’t ignore the hole she left in my life when she pushed me away. Everything feels colder. Duller.

She never loved me the way I loved her. I was just a way to get over her loss.

I look at my friends, seeing new and old relationships flourishing into strong futures together. We’re getting older now, settling down. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a few babies coming soon. None of them mine, of course.

But the thought of everyone else moving on while I’m stuck in the same place makes me want to scream. It doesn’t feel like Serena did me a favor by pushing me away. It feels like a life sentence. Like I’ll be stuck in this town forever, watching people grow up and build their families, and I’ll keep carting people across the country on boring-ass flights for the rest of my life.

Finn doesn’t have many jumps in winter, so I keep flying commercial flights with Robbie by my side. I don’t ask him about Serena, and he doesn’t tell me anything. I’m half grateful, half annoyed. Maybe I should ask for a transfer, just so I don’t have to see him every week.

That sounds even worse, though. Robbie understands me, and he’s the only good thing about commercial flying. This job is sucking the soul out of me, but Robbie makes me laugh.

Or, maybe, I just like thinking that I still have a connection to Serena through him. Pathetic, right?

By the time February rolls around, the weather is bitterly cold in Woodvale and I haven’t seen the sun in at least three weeks. I head over to Finn and Esme’s house on a day off, rapping my knuckles on the door and letting myself in.

Esme’s in the kitchen with a bright pink apron on, her buzzed head bare as she sautés some onions in a pan. “Kit!” My sister flashes a smile at me, jerking her head for me to come in.

They have a new dining room table in the middle of the living room, with a mismatched set of dining chairs and folding metal chairs from the office downstairs. A tablecloth is spread over the top with a few candles spread out across the table.

All our friends are invited over for dinner tonight to celebrate Esme’s acceptance to Woodvale University.

I wander over to the kitchen, helping myself to a glass of water as Esme tells me all about the skydiving business and her plans to start college in the fall. I smile, ruffling her head before she can duck away.

“Congrats, Es.”

“Thanks.” She glances at me, giving the onions one last stir before turning to face me. “And I don’t know if I ever said this, but thanks for convincing me to come here last summer. Best thing I ever did.”

“You’ve grown up pretty quick.” I grin.

“About time,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Stupid cancer held me back for so long. That and my own fear.”

My heart squeezes. I was afraid of leaving Woodvale, too, but I faced that fear and came to terms with it. I put my ego on the line and told Serena I’d give it all up for her.

And what did she do? She threw it in my face.

Clearing my throat, I turn to see Finn walk in the front door with two big bags full of clinking bottles. He flashes me a big smile, kicking the door closed behind him. “We’re celebrating tonight.”

The tension in my body eases and I allow myself to smile. My sister is happy, and who am I to be grumpy and selfish while we’re trying to congratulate her on her success? She deserves it.

But as our friends stream in through the door, my chest constricts.

Serena would love this. She slipped right into our friend group when she was here, with bright eyes and a brilliant smile.

Reading my mind, Willow glances at me. “Have you heard from Serena lately? How’s her grandmother?”

“Willow,” Jackson says, widening his eyes at her. “Don’t ask the man that. You know he’s been pining over her for months.”

“Shut up, Jackson,” I say, forcing a grin. “No one’s pining.”

He purses his lips. “Mm.”

I turn to Finn and help him put drinks in the fridge, ignoring questions I don’t want to answer. The truth is, I don’t know how Serena’s doing. We haven’t spoken since she told me she didn’t want to be with me. I left New Haven, and she stayed.

Who knows? Maybe she’s