Dodging Calamities (Artemis University #7) - Erin R Flynn Page 0,53
I loved and missed Craftsman… And not him.
“I don’t want to make this harder, but you seem to be under the misconception he is the only one I had deep feelings for or I miss,” I mumbled. “You crushed me too, Hudson. I wouldn’t feel that if I didn’t—I don’t know if I was in love with you, but I loved you. You were important to me and one of my closest friends, as well as my lover. Of course I miss you.”
He didn’t respond right away, making me feel stupid for admitting that and wanting to squirm. “I feel like the love songs I always thought cheesy, about not realizing you had until you lost it. I thought I was falling, and after I lost you, I realized I’d already fallen. I wanted to wait and say it right after I won you back, but I fell, Tamsin. I’m sorry for all I did, and I’m sorry how I acted today.”
“I’m not upset about today. I can’t even imagine how horrible it would be for you.”
He swallowed loudly. “You don’t owe me answers, so thank you for explaining and talking with me while you were working things out with the men who you’re with.”
Something was still up with him that I didn’t understand. It might have been cheaty, but I flipped on my telepathy.
“Why couldn’t it have been me? Whatever he did that gave him the chance to make her see he loves her—why couldn’t I have gotten that chance? Yes, I want to have her again, but he’ll worm his way back into her heart again. I want that chance. I want her heart again. I can’t keep going on being shut out like this. I don’t know how to fix this and make her see how much I love her too.
“What can I do? What can I do to fix this? I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry I fucked everything up and handled it all wrong. I wish I could prove that. I won’t take her for granted again. I won’t put figuring us out off to the back burner until she’s ready, and I understand now doing anything else will cause so much damage. I didn’t understand the damage I was doing right then by giving her time.”
“I need more time,” I whispered, answering his thoughts, even if he hadn’t said it. “I see you’re taking things more… You were always serious, but you’re understanding the consequences better. I see that. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“Is there anything I can do?” he begged, leaning in and moving his forehead to mine.
“Not that I can think of and believe me, if I could think of something, I would tell you.” I turned a bit and pressed my lips to his cheek. “I think maybe we can get past your sins, as you call them. Hearing your voice in my head asking me not to be taken away like I was a toy to you is fading. It was all wrapped together, and I know that’s not your fault. It’s my life though. I’m sorry.”
“Take all the time you need, my princess,” he murmured as he brushed his lips over my cheek. “Just please, please, give me another chance. I will wait forever for you. You deserve it, and not just because I messed up. You’re worth it. I know I don’t deserve it, but I need the hope. I’m having trouble holding on.”
I blinked back tears, knowing exactly how that felt. I knew that feeling down to my soul. Hudson and I might not be the situation with Faerie, but I knew that feeling and lost way.
So I kissed him. It was soft and chaste, but it was a kiss. “I can’t think of a reason I won’t give you another chance. Just not yet. If we keep moving forward as we are, and our trust builds back, I want to.”
“Thank you. Thank you, Tamsin,” he choked out, hugging me to him.
I wanted to thank him too. I wanted to convey that it meant a lot to me that he would try and fight for us… But that sounded like I was doing this to test him, or make him prove something to me for the sake of drama, and that wasn’t what this was. I wasn’t sure I could explain it, but I knew if I could use magic to simply fix any of this, I would.