Dodging Calamities (Artemis University #7) - Erin R Flynn Page 0,104
snapped. “There are people who need you too.”
He trapped me against the island and set the bags on the counter. “I will not let that asshole get the upper hand with you and trap you into something. I—he—if you…” He let out a slow breath and tried again. “You are not mine anymore, you’ve made that clear. I’ll figure out a way to deal with you moving on to someone new if that’s your choice.”
“But?”
“But I will fight with all I have from allowing someone to force you into anything,” he growled. “You’re better than that. It won’t happen. Not while there is breath still in my body.” He made a sound close to a whimper at whatever he caught in my aura when I turned away. “I won’t let someone catch you again, and not come. I won’t fail you again, even if you’re not mine.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, racking my brain to think of something to say, but he didn’t give me the chance.
“You look breathtaking, love. What were you all dressed up for tonight?”
I winced, realizing I should warn him, given the head of his bloodline was going to make a move. I didn’t have the energy. “Can I tell you in the morning?” I realized how that sounded when his eyes went wide. “I’m not inviting you to—I mean you can crash here, but not—it wasn’t an offer to—I’m tired, Julian, so—”
He moved his fingers over my lips this time. “You weren’t inviting me into your bed. I understand. No matter how I wish that was so, I understand.” His eyes widened slightly and I knew what he saw in my aura.
But I wanted to. I wanted to ask him to hold me. I wanted his comfort and to feel his strength. I wanted to feel safe in his arms tonight when things were all over the place for me.
When I hadn’t been feeling as comforted by Darby and Lucca since the spanking incident. I’d forgiven them and we were fine… But like fine. Just meh. I wasn’t feeling any… Spark? Yeah, spark really. It was all sort of bland and muted, as if their lack of care made me retreat when I was working hard to still move forward after all that had happened.
Move forward after all I’d been through and the traumas in my life.
And Julian had immediately understood and seen me, seen how stupid they were. He was my Craftsman that always saw too much and knew my heart.
I shook my head and stared at his chest. He’ll get distracted and leave me again. I can’t go through that. I wouldn’t survive that another time. I’m not surviving it this time.
“I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t disappear on you again, I swear it,” he whispered, making me realize I’d either said it out loud or projected it in his mind. “Let me comfort you tonight, love. Nothing more.”
“I can’t,” I rasped, pushing away from him and setting out the food to reheat or tuck into. “I can’t, and it’s not fair to you when I’m clearly not settled or able to forgive you. I won’t be that woman who jerks guys around like that.”
“I know, and I still accept what you want, knowing that so it’s not on you,” he countered. “I accept it.”
“I can’t,” I repeated.
“You shouldn’t be alone, and if those idiots hadn’t acted like such gits, I wouldn’t push, but they did.” He moved closer when I shook my head, touching my back. “Tamsin, this isn’t about us. I’m worried about you. I don’t want to leave you alone. I’ll stay on the couch, okay? I know your guards are here, but something is really going on with you.”
“It’s Mel,” I whispered, finally letting it out how scared I was to lose her. “I think she’s going—I don’t know what to do this time, Julian. She’s going to crumble when she finds out what really happened.”
“Tell me, love,” he begged, understanding I’d been carrying a huge burden all on my own.
So I did. I filled him in on what Marisol had uncovered and how Ainsworth had been targeting female supes who were on the outs with our society, but not Underground. How he used his magic and council guards to get them and sold them to humans who knew about us for death matches. How they’d targeted Mel specifically, and it had gotten a bunch of other supes caught.