Divided (Unguarded #2) - Ivy Stone Page 0,63

with benefits, stands at the door in her pajamas with her hands on her hips and her hair in a knot on the top of her head. “Roam, sweetie, you gotta turn down the music. I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow followed by court. I need sleep and I can’t get any with that play—”

She must notice the near-empty bottle in my hand or the fact I look like shit. She screws her nose up. “You smell like a liquor store.”

“Yep. Probably ‘cause I’m drinking it.” I take another swig.

Sarah folds her arms across herself. “This is about her isn’t it?”

My shoulders hang loose and I scoff. “What do you mean, her? Nothing is about a her. I’m just enjoying a quiet drink.”

Sarah peers behind me. “Mmm… yeah. Sure sounds like it. This drinking can’t possibly be because the girl you’re madly in love with broke your heart?”

Pain twists in my stomach.

I salute her with my drink. “She didn’t break my heart, Sarah. She fucking demolished it.”

I gulp down whiskey and let it burn my throat. Better that than my heart.

Her expression slackens. “Oh, Roamyn. Come on, let’s go inside.” She grabs my hand and pulls me in.

“What about your early meeting tomorrow?” I ask as she shuffles around my kitchen.

She passes me a glass of water. “Don’t worry about it. Just drink this, you’ll need it judging by the length of time your depressing music has been playing and that nearly empty bottle of Jack you got there.”

I take a sip and wipe a hand over my mouth. “Thanks.”

Sarah glances around, tapping her hand on the counter.

“Got something to say, Sarah, just say it.”

Her face contorts. “Roamyn. We’ve been seeing each other for years and—”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it seeing,” I butt in and take another sip of the water. It sobers me up and I feel less woozy.

“Okay. Screwing. Friends with benefits—call it what you want. But in the entire time of our friendship you’ve been hung up on this woman, who from what I can see, only brings you pain. Why do it to yourself, Roam? Why hold on if after all of these years you still can’t make it work with her?”

I asked myself the same question once. Then I saw her again and remembered why.

I scowl. “You of all people should understand why.”

She stares down at her empty hands. “No. This is totally different.”

“How? You were using me to get over your ex. So how’s it different?”

“My fiancé didn’t break up with me, Roam. He died.” Her voice becomes weak. Tearful.

I rub my hands over my face. “Ah shit. I’m sorry, Sarah.”

She winces. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

“You wanna know why I hold on?” I reply, my gaze unfocused as Ali’s smiling face replays in my mind.

She nods. “If you wanna share.”

Despite not wanting it, my heart blazes with the warmth only love is capable of. “Ali’s the part of me I never knew was missing. I love her. I love her more than anything in this world. I love her more than my own happiness which is why I hold on. I’ll spend the rest of my life waiting for her if I have to because she’s it for me. There is no one else.”

Sarah shifts awkwardly in her spot against the counter. “How can you be so sure?”

I smile and my body relaxes as the truth falls freely. “When you meet the person who’s it for you… you just know. It’s that simple. If you haven’t felt it, Sarah? You haven’t met him yet.”

She swallows hard. Her stare, pained, as my words weigh on her. She breaks eye contact and I run a hand through my hair. My head starts to throb with a headache coming on. My limbs become heavy, much like my mood and I trudge over to the couch, slouching into it. I grab the remote from beside me and aim it at the stereo to lower the volume. The couch dips and Sarah sits down.

We listen to bad music. We talk into the early hours of the morning until Sarah hugs me goodbye, leaving me in a somber mood and an empty apartment to reflect on everything that had transpired in the last forty-eight hours.

My knees hit the tiled bathroom floor. Nausea rises up my throat as my hands brace the sides of the toilet. Black dots paint my vision while my insides expel the remaining contents of my stomach. My heads thumps to a regular rhythm while my