“Hey. Just calling in the hope that one day you might pick up the phone and talk to me.”
“Ali. Call me. Please.”
“Ali. You need to call me. Something’s happened.”
“I’ll see you in twenty.”
Roamyn’s voice filters through my room as I lay on my bed, staring at the roof I’m sure so many others have. One month has passed and in here a month resembled something more like ten. Noise travels through the open door across the room and I sit up, preparing for one of the on-duty nurses to wander into my room any minute. Roamyn will be here, and while just the thought sends my heart into a frenzied beat, I’m not ready for it. I’m not ready for him to see me still in a state of disarray.
I brush a hand through my long knotty hair and squint as the afternoon brightness of day shines through my window. Every bone in my body creaks. Today hadn’t been a good day after a terrible night. This isn’t how I want Roamyn to see me. I want him to see me rested, getting better and happy. I need him to see me surviving without him. It’s the only way for him to regain trust in me. And the only way for me to move forward. I can’t rely on him like I have and my messy hair, dark-ringed eyes and pajamas from last night are a testament to that. The nightmares are worse when he’s not curled around me, staying with me most nights until the sun comes up, whispering calming words in my ear. These past few nights were nothing short of horrific. I’d woken up screaming, crying, and calling out his name. My subconscious still needs him as much as my heart still wants him. It’s exactly why I can’t have him.
A light tap comes from the door followed by Linda’s voice, “Sweetie. Detective Tate is here to see you. Should I bring him through?”
I grimace at one of my regular nurses and without saying a thing, she nods. “It’s okay. I’ll let him know you’re not up for it today.”
The staff are aware of what happened the night at the bar, and right now I’m thankful for the embarrassment the night cost me because I saw understanding in Linda’s eyes. I need understanding. I need someone to agree with me that this is the best thing to do so I keep believing it myself. That keeping Roam at a distance, trying to do this thing on my own is the only way I’ll make a full recovery from the addiction. I can’t depend on him. I can’t transfer one addiction to another.
I shift on my feet and glance around. Waiting anxiously. I don’t want to wait for the nurse to come back and say I can’t go in. I need to see her. I need to tell her that her best friend’s missing for some unexplainable reason. The nurse wanders out, sullen expression lining her face, everything I don’t want to see.
“I’m sorry, Detective. She’s not really up for visitors today.”
I nod, reluctantly. “Okay.”
Sadness falls through despair and I ask, “How’s she doing?”
A sigh falls from her followed by a sad smile. “She’s going be to be okay.”
I nod. “That’s all I need to know.”
“For what it’s worth, I know she misses you.”
Blow to my heart.
I force a smile. “Thanks.”
I trudge back to my room after a group therapy session, smiling and waving goodbye to a few of the other residents that I’ve sort of become friends with. I get to my door and find someone else I’ve found friendship in.
“Hey you.”
Cassidy’s head turns around at my greeting and when she smiles at me, her eyes do too. There’s something about her. She’s the kind of person who lights up a room just being her. She’s beautiful, smart—everything I’m not. But I think it’s why we click.
“Hey. Can I come in?”
I jut out a hand. “After you.”
I shut the door behind us and Cass takes a seat on the edge of my bed.
She eyes me up and down before bringing her gaze back to mine. “You look good today. How are you feeling?”
This is what I like about her. With Cassidy, there’s no judgment. Ever. She came to visit me a few weeks after the dreadful night I bared my soul to Roamyn. She walked on in. She asked me how I was doing and she invited herself to stay for a